This Week’s Comics — For Real, This Time (Kinda)

The word from Diamond:

“Due to the East Coast snowstorm and associated power outages, an interruption occurred in posting our New Releases and Upcoming Releases data. However, the information below is the the most accurate data for items shipping on 2/10/2010. Text files and .pdf files will be made available at a later time as we work through the winter storm affecting the east coast of the United States.”

They’ve posted their best guess at what’s coming out.  Here’s what I’m looking at:

ADVENTURE COMICS WITH BLACK LANTERN SUPERBOY #7 - I won’t buy it, but the title is of the WTF sort that always interests me.
BATMAN AND ROBIN #8 - Dear Grant Morrison, Even though I didn’t understand the last issue, it wasn’t your fault and I still love you.
HAUNT #5 - This is the end of the first arc, so it’s probably also the end of my picking it up.  Still, it was a pretty solid read for your $3, and I expect I’ll still look in on it from time to time.
HIT-MONKEY #1 - I have no clue what this is, but with a Frank Cho cover (and insides?), as long as there are some extra pages for my $4 I’m in.
MARVEL BOY URANIAN #2 (OF 3) – Jeff Parker.  Agents of Atlas.  Golden Age reprints.
MUPPET KING ARTHUR #1 - Matt will probably review this (and like it), so I point it out.  Still, I’ve never been big on the adaptations.
MUPPET SHOW #2 – If there’s a supreme deity in this universe, Little Statwald will be what I hope it is.  Hijinx ensue.  Buy this book, thank me later.

So, that’s it for me.  What are YOU getting?

Et tu, Diamond?

Every other week I more or less kid that nothing’s coming out.  Today, Diamond’s web site has apparently died.  So when it’s up, TWC will be up.

Monday Haiku

A swollen river,

Rushing, powerful, and bright,

Runs by the numbers.

Game Tape/ Quarter Bin Treasure Chest

There isn’t anything new worth discussing this week, so I’ll tell you about the back issues I picked up during this light week.

We’ll begin with what is my new favorite Superman cover. #221 is inspired. Even among the many transformations Superman went through in the Silver Age, this one stands out. No, it’s not a gorilla, lion, baby, egghead, or insect. This Superman is fat: corpulent. Ponder the image below. I’ll wait and rejoin you if you make it to the other side of awesome.

This is actually the second feature in the book. The first story is forgettable fare about Supes rescuing some people from an island. Regardless, you can’t feel ripped off.

The two-ton Superman story is wholly worth the $.15 cover price. The long and short of it is that Superman is suffering from an allergic reaction to an alien liqueur called Scarlet Nectar. Apparently someone lost his epi-pen. So the plot revolves around a morbidly obese Superman trying to lose weight quickly because he’s got to be a certain weight to open a safe…there’s really no good way to explain it further. Trust me. It’s Silver Age, just go with it, man. On top of this imperative, he’s got to juggle life as a tubby Clark Kent (holographic projectors cover this). Now hold on, Hondo. Doesn’t Superman have robot duplicates for just such emergencies. In one panel, he explains what he can’t use his trusty robot pals: sunspots knock them out of commission. That’s right. Sunspots. Ridiculous as it is, this story’s a hoot and a holler. As an added bonus, there’s a full page portrait of the entire Superman Family. It’s accompanied by an explanation of each character. Did you know Comet is actually an enchanted Centaur? ‘Strue!
The rest of this week’s books came from the bargain bins.

To start, I picked up the first 11 issues of Rex Mundi. It’s not so bad. It’s just a little tired. Like zombies, pirates, and vampires not shooting themselves out of cannons on the moon, the “secrets” of the Catholic Church have become over exposed. And these issues are several years old. So why’d I pick it up? I’ve heard good things, and it was cheap. Don’t get me wrong; this is a well crafted story. I’d much rather see this as a movie over the 2 hour research paper that was “The Da Vinci Code.”

I also grabbed the first three issues of Bluewater’s Leprechaun. Jesse and I are (mildly) obsessed with these movies. The fourth installment is arguably the greatest non sequitur ever committed to film. These books are not of the same glorious quality. After the Stephanie Meyer biocomic, maybe I should have known better.

The last set of books I picked up from the bargain boxes is Amanda Conner and Warren Ellis’s Two-Step. I like Ellis from the early part of the last decade, and I like Amanda Conner. It seemed this would be a great treasure. This is a little three issue gem from 2004, and it was published by Cliffhanger. I don’t really know how to react to this book. If I told you the three issues were about the theft and destruction of a giant mechanical and musical penis, you’d call me a liar. Yet, that’s all there is to it. There’s not much character. There isn’t much conflict. There is the usual Ellis crazy tech distopia… and a giant techno penis that plays Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkeries.”

Having hauled this treasure chest home, the book I left behind: Bluewater’s Pistol Fist. Maybe next time. My hope is that this book will be so bad it’s unbelievably good.

Spandexploitation!

I don’t usually have time to do this format, but I really like it. So here’s your throwback version of Superhero Confidential!

Inside the Superhero’s Studio

Once upon a time I was picking up my weekly issues, and I found one of the most fantastic books I’ll ever encounter. Hanging on the wall among bland and uninteresting books was a shining vision. It was an inspired piece of art that surely made the angels weep bittersweet tears. Like all such works, this one’s time on Earth was too brief.

US 1 was this book.

Those brave enough to penetrate its covers are regaled with tales of an everyman doing extraordinary deeds. This modern day Ishmael fought foul felonious forces with nothing more than his bare hands, a metal plate in his skull that picks up CB signals, and a high tech Mack truck. These adventures are so inspired that they clearly must have been writ and drawn with a golden pen using diamond and sunshine ink.

Tonight, we are graced with the presence of a demigod.  Ulysses. Solomon. Archer.

Let’s start with the five questions.

1. Who would play you in a movie of your life?

I reckon that’d be a young Mr. Burt Reynolds. I’ve always felt a special connection to his character from the movie Stroker Ace. I tried to grow a mustache once…didn’t work so well. I’d be proud to have a true American like him portray me in a movie.

2. Who wins in a race between you in US 1 and Optimus Prime.

Hands down me an US1. It comes down to one thing: he’s got weaknesses, and I don’t. Prime cares about all sentient life; I couldn’t give a hoot. He’s also got the hots for lil’ US1. Still, if he ever comes near her again and tries to get frisky like he did outside of Yuma, I’ll shove my boot so far up his tail pipe that he’ll need more than a little energon and a lot of luck to get it out.

3. What, if anything, makes Ulysses Archer cry?

Hell, I get a little teary anytime I see “Every Which Way but Loose.” Something about a trucker and an orangutan speaks to me on a deep emotional level. Also the songs of Glen Campbell…and anytime someone gets too close with a big magnet. I get headaches like you wouldn’t believe.

4. What other career would you like to try?

After facing off against Baron von Blimp, I’ve always wanted to pilot a dirigible. The freedom of the road is one thing, having the whole of the sky is something else. I like to think we could have been friends or colleagues in another lifetime.

5. What would you like to hear when you get to Heaven?

That ain’t much of a question. With this-a-here metal plate for a skull, I hear God’s Heaven all the time. Angels speak to me. They call me good buddy and everything.

Ah…well, thank you for your time. It has been a pleasure talking with an inspired genius such as yourself.

Again, my guest has been the all-American trucker/ adventurer Ulysses Solomon Archer. You can read all about his exploits in the brilliant twelve issue series: US1.

Good night.

Cyclops — SECRETS!!!

I opened my eyes only of a fraction of an inch once. ONCE. Circumcized myself.

Wolverine and I got trapped together in the Canadian wilderness and had to cuddle together to stay warm. It was nice.

Emma gets a 60% discount at Good Vibrations because she buys in bulk.

It was originally "X-Men Assemble!" before those Avenger bastards jacked it...

This Week’s No Comics

Last week I was tempted by new releases like no week in recent memory. Specifically, both GL #50 and JLA #41 piqued my interest and passed the flip test.  Green Lantern, was especially hard to pass up because of curiosity and because a guy in my LCS that afternoon was trying to convince me how good it was.  Still, Matt’s word counts more than strangers at the comic shop, so I stuck to his guns and passed on them.

And this week?  There’s nothing coming out for me.  Again.  Milestone Forever looks intriguing, but I never read the original comics in the early 90’s (I really should try to find some sets on ebay).  Siege #2 is out, but in addition to the $4 price tag, I apparently completely missed #1.  Ghost Rider: Heaven’s on Fire wraps up this week, which is fairly exciting news.  I’m hoping to be able to pick up the complete set and read the finale of Jason Aaron’s run very soon.

Since there’s so very little else to talk about, I’ll mention that I tore through the Ghost Rider: Danny Ketch miniseries yesterday, and while it didn’t capture some of the subtleties make Jason Aaron’s run on GR so excellent, it definitely took its style and tone from Aaron’s run.  This means that if you’re like me and looking for some solid Ghost Rider to tide you over until Heaven’s on Fire wraps up, this is the book for you.

Danny Ketch fills in the blanks between the end of Ketch’s 90’s series and his reappearance in the most recent series, and it reads very much like how I imagine a Warren Ellis Ghost Rider comic would read.  Two years previously Danny Ketch had the Rider exorcised from him by an Ellisian “technomagical uber-punk voodoo woman”.  Ketch is now essentially a junkie looking for a Ghost Rider “fix” now, trying to get the high back.  He’s told (and we learn) that the Ghost Riders are too powerful and become unstable, and Ketch is given the charge to work for Heaven and reabsorb the Riders of the world.

The junkie aspect is played a little heavy (from the title page, it appears that the original name of the story was “Ghost Rider: Addict,”) but it makes sense and is a nice take on the concept.  Danny is essentially the Alan Scott of Ghost Riders: tied to the larger brotherhood but essentially a freak accident.  It’s also nice to see Shoba Mirza (she’s the Hindu Ghost Rider with the flaming elephant) again, though she’s the only other Rider we get to see.

The next time I read something with Ghost Rider, I want to see the Shark Rider involved.  Still, this is a fun, quick story that answers some big questions from the main story.

That’s it for me for this week.  What are YOU getting?

The (Mon)days are just packed.

For you…

for Christmas.

Monday Haiku

Deadly swift and sharp,

You’re all swords and crazy pads,

Pure nineties, baby!