When we started the blog up a couple months ago, my first inclinations were to put up a) a test post, and b) a manifesto about who we are and what we’re trying to “accomplish”. I resisted both of these because…Well, it seems like those would be EVERYONE’S first inclinations. At this point WordPress knows what they’re doing and whatever we thought we were trying to do at the beginning would almost certainly turn out to be wrong. In the end we just dove right into it, so I’d like to take this auspicious occasion to introduce Matt: the funny one, the dude writing in green, the guy looking at the Game Tape and giving us our weekly haiku.
Matt was born a senior citizen on this day in 1936, two years before the creation of the Super-Man that would eventually change his life. Science has been unable to identify if Matthew had Benjamin Button Disease or was born as an egg from the planet Ork, but his apparent age allowed him to be drafted into the US Army during World War 2 at 6 years old. Unfortunately, even though 98% of his vestigial tail was removed he was declared 4F due to the military’s concerns that he may not be able to effectively relieve himself in the field.
To study Matt’s life is to study Americana. In 1952 he sold Elizabeth Marcella Henson the green coat her son Jim would later use to create Kermit the Frog. In 1967, Matt’s mutant abilities were amplified to the point where he stopped getting younger and became 31 years old permanently. His 1980 season as a Saturday Night Live cast member is often overlooked because it was also the first season for a young Eddie Murphy. In addition, he served as the “Senior Citizen Romance Consultant” for the first two years of the Golden Girls TV show until the executive producers decided that accuracy was no longer necessary.
Ever since learning to read 15 years ago, Matt has enjoyed comic books and has made it his mission to collect every Golden Age appearance of a gorilla fighting a dinosaur. His own comic book, Golden Age Gorillas vs Silver Age Dinosaurs on the Moon, will soon be collected as a hardcover.
A hell of a guy, the 3 most important things to know about Matt are:
- He is not a lawyer.
- He won’t try to have sex with you.
- He knows when to leave.
He is also kind to his friends, and tolerant of their stupidity to a fault.
In honor of Matt’s 73rd birthday, please send positive thoughts, best wishes, and pints of Guinness his way.