Once upon a time I was picking up my weekly issues, and I found one of the most fantastic books I’ll ever encounter. Hanging on the wall among bland and uninteresting books was a shining vision. It was an inspired piece of art that surely made the angels weep bittersweet tears. Like all such works, this one’s time on Earth was too brief.
Those brave enough to penetrate its covers are regaled with tales of an everyman doing extraordinary deeds. This modern day Ishmael fought foul felonious forces with nothing more than his bare hands, a metal plate in his skull that picks up CB signals, and a high tech Mack truck. These adventures are so inspired that they clearly must have been writ and drawn with a golden pen using diamond and sunshine ink.
Tonight, we are graced with the presence of a demigod. Ulysses. Solomon. Archer.
Let’s start with the five questions.
1. Who would play you in a movie of your life?
I reckon that’d be a young Mr. Burt Reynolds. I’ve always felt a special connection to his character from the movie Stroker Ace. I tried to grow a mustache once…didn’t work so well. I’d be proud to have a true American like him portray me in a movie.
2. Who wins in a race between you in US 1 and Optimus Prime.
Hands down me an US1. It comes down to one thing: he’s got weaknesses, and I don’t. Prime cares about all sentient life; I couldn’t give a hoot. He’s also got the hots for lil’ US1. Still, if he ever comes near her again and tries to get frisky like he did outside of Yuma, I’ll shove my boot so far up his tail pipe that he’ll need more than a little energon and a lot of luck to get it out.
3. What, if anything, makes Ulysses Archer cry?
Hell, I get a little teary anytime I see “Every Which Way but Loose.” Something about a trucker and an orangutan speaks to me on a deep emotional level. Also the songs of Glen Campbell…and anytime someone gets too close with a big magnet. I get headaches like you wouldn’t believe.
4. What other career would you like to try?
After facing off against Baron von Blimp, I’ve always wanted to pilot a dirigible. The freedom of the road is one thing, having the whole of the sky is something else. I like to think we could have been friends or colleagues in another lifetime.
5. What would you like to hear when you get to Heaven?
That ain’t much of a question. With this-a-here metal plate for a skull, I hear God’s Heaven all the time. Angels speak to me. They call me good buddy and everything.
Ah…well, thank you for your time. It has been a pleasure talking with an inspired genius such as yourself.
Again, my guest has been the all-American trucker/ adventurer Ulysses Solomon Archer. You can read all about his exploits in the brilliant twelve issue series: US1.