Monday Haiku

He’s the best there is,

Hot fury and scalding rage,

Crimson death follows.


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Worst. Super-Vehicle. Ever.

How a man rolls is how a man lives!  Batman in his Batmobile.  The X-Men in their SR-71 Blackbird.  And Green Arrow’s…Arrowplane? Obviously some rides are better than others.  This week’s LIST: The
Worst Vehicles Ever.

  • Batman’s rickshaw

  • Superman’s 1994 Geo Metro

  • The Ice cream truck of Doom. Screams, “RICHARDS!!!” to the tune of “Turkey in the Straw.”

  • Wonder Woman’s Invisible Unicycle

  • Barry Allen’s Segway

  • Batman’s solar powered batmobile

  • The Punisher’s wicked mini-bike

  • Catwoman’s catsled

  • Wolverine’s Sniktmobile

  • Captain Marvel’s electric car, SHAZAM!

  • Stilt Man’s AT-AT

  • The Shade’s hot air balloon (previously owned by Phileas Fogg)

  • Aquaman’s diving bell, “The Mera-Maid”

  • Wonder Woman’s visible jet

Have a happy Memorial Day, everyone.  I’m going to be taking a long weekend off to help with the cleanup efforts in Oklahoma, what with Asgard and all.  Now that he has the power of summer vacation, I leave you in Matt’s capable hands.

Game Tape

It’s a surprisingly strong showing this week. There were only two books from my pull list, but quite a few that I grabbed from the shelf.

Last week I mentioned that I was looking forward to Secret Avengers. It didn’t disappoint. There’s a nice set-up here with a mysterious threat. There’s action starting from page two and going all the way to the end. It’s well done all around. Brubaker manages to craft a first issue that gives the reader just enough info on how and why the team was formed. Unlike some books recently (looking at you JLA: Cry for Justice) we aren’t treated three issues of finding everyone and building a team. Something else that’s refreshing is how seamlessly and logically Steve Rogers steps into this new role. At his heart, Brubaker’s Steve Rogers is a leader. Take the red, white, and blue trappings away and he’s a guy with a plan. No moaning about being too old for this new fast world. No feeling sorry about any thing. It’s really solid story and character. The art is great too. I’m going to ask though, why isn’t this book called Defenders? I don’t want to spoil anything, but if you read it, you’ll understand. I’ll add this one to my pull list. The main Avengers book will have to pass the flip test each month… for now.

Honestly, I only have a vague notion of what was happening in Batman: Return of Bruce Wayne #2. It’s not bad, just confusing. I trust and respect Morrison, but even he couldn’t make Puritans interesting for me. The moments away from 1600’s Gotham were only slightly less confusing. I’m hoping Pirate Batman is much more coherent.

The less said about Green Lantern #54, the better. Johns has stolen the plot from Pokemon’s theme song/ catch phrase. Not to mention it reeks of the main theme of at least half of the 1980’s cartoons. Green Lantern, we need some time away from each other to clear our heads and find out who we are.

The thing I’m enjoying about this new theme of the Heroic Age is exhibited well in Fantastic Four #579. It’s not naive optimism that makes it brighter or more hopeful. What makes it brighter is that the stories are geared more toward a proactive approach without being authoritarian. Reed and gang are going to make the world better. Hank Pym is Scientist Supreme of this universe, but no one is laying down the law and saying, “We’re going to make your world better whether you like it or not.” There’s a sense of cooperation here. Reed trying to reform the Wizard; Sue working with the ancient Atlanteans; Then there’s the hint of the ominous. All four civilizations highlighted in the previous arc are connected somehow…in spite of no obvious relations. On top of the story and thematic elements, Neil Edwards art is hitting the right notes. Gone is the beefy hyper-muscular Reed. Good riddance.

Imagine my surprise to walk into Ye Olde Shoppe and see that Thunderbolts written by Jeff Parker is out this week! I had no idea. This one take the opposite tack from Secret Avengers. The issue is all about team building. It’s got Parker’s usual panache for character and dialogue. There’s also a surprise ending. Check it out.

There are some nice parallels in Transformers #7. In one issue we see how the space marooned Decepticons are handling the new peace time. Megatron narrates as we see some disturbing scenes of the camp run by Starscream. In someways they’re reacting in a grotesque mimicry of the Earthbound Autobots. Megatron also has some interesting insights into Optimus Prime’s character. Surprisingly, it does not seem terribly distorted. Also, what’s the dark secret of Section 82? Sounds like a plot device to tear the burgeoning human/ Autobot alliance to shreds.

Nova… SECRETS!

Turns out it's not considered a common law marriage if one person claims to be married and the other claims a restraining order against you.

SECRET…

Some things you just have to learn the hard way...like peanut butter is not an acceptable substitute for shaving cream.

SECRET…

It wasn't my idea to enter all those dog dancing competitions with Cosmo.

SECRETS…

The moment I knew it was over between me and Namorita? She called me Aquaman during coitus...

SECRET…

I got turned into itty-bitty cubes once. What the Hell? That $#!+ doesn't happen to Green Lantern or Firestorm!

SECRETS!

This Week’s Comics

I’m a day late, but there’s some really great looking comics coming out tomorrow. Here’s what I’m looking at.

  • BATMAN RETURN OF BRUCE WAYNE #2 OF (6) – Caveman Batman? Check. Puritan Batman? Check. This is turning into the best Elseworlds series ever, because it’s all real. Well…”real”. Thank you for being awesome, Grant Morrison.
  • GREEN LANTERN #54 – Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what to say about Green Lantern at this point. It’s space-fallout from Blackest Night. I’m okay with that, but it’ll be nice to eventually get back to Green Lantern stories and put the mega-event behind us.
  • JUSTICE LEAGUE GENERATION LOST #2 – And speaking of said mega-event, I guess I spoke too soon. I liked the first issue, and didn’t think Winick was up to his usual tricks of not having anything interesting happen. I dig the premise, and even though we’re getting the Giffen/DeMatteis/Maguire-era team without the BWAH-HA-HA’s, that’s okay, the DCU has changed since then. I’m just glad the characters haven’t been shuffled off into Limbo.
  • SECRET AVENGERS #1 – I’m as surprised as anyone else, but I picked up and enjoyed last week’s new Avengers title. So, as much as I’d like to ignore this completely, I’ll give it a shot. Plus, even though I’ve never read a good Moon Knight story, for some reason I’m drawn to him.
  • THANOS IMPERATIVE IGNITION #1 – And speaking of being drawn to characters, I’ve got a soft spot for Thanos, too, based more or less exclusively on his awesomeness in The Infinity Gauntlet. And geez…that was 20 years ago! Assuming we set some extra content, I’ll give this one a shot.

Hey Matt, What’s that over there???

  • THUNDERBOLTS #144 – And here’s where what I’m most likely to consider “Jeff Parker’s Thunderbolts” kicks off, with Luke Cage’s team of reformed villains. And Man-Thing, which makes no sense (yet) but I’m super-excited to read about.

That’s it for me. What are YOU looking at?