By the power of Greyskull, I HAVE THE LIST!

If He-Man and the Masters of the Universe is to be believed, Eternia is a planet of “people” with freakish and specialized gifts. Everybody was either deformed in such a way to indicate their career path, or they were augmented cyborgs. What follows is a list of lesser known denizens of Eternia.

Protraktor – plower of fields, cutter of grass and measurer of angles

Man-About-Town – Courageous dandy from the stars

Bat-Man – the Batman of Eternia

Friz Bea – Eternia’s Ultimate Champion and fierce female warrior

Lady-Of-The-Night (this one pretty much explains itself)

Prince Ipall – Skeletor’s abominable administrator of schools…of evil!

Terrardactyl – Skeletor’s evil scourge of the skies

Drunkor – Treacherous two-fisted brawler and vomiter

Al Pakka – Llama farmer and Eternia’s best producer of warm wool and meat

Gyros – Supreme Maker of Eternian Greek Cuisine

Snikker-Snakk – Expert swordsman armed with the Vorpal Sword (TM) accessory

Lumbor Jak – cross dressing guardian of the Galactic Forest and wielder of the Axe of Might

Barakko Bama – President of Eternia

Puglee – Eternia’s brave and true cauliflower eared pugilist

Fuglee – bar wench who plies Eternia’s heroes with free drinks in order to ensnare them

Guv-nar – Eternia’s brave British person

Jokor, Smokor, and Midnight Tokor – Trio of slacker burnouts and greek chorus

Eldor – Eternia’s oldest citizen and wise counselor to He-Man

Santorclas – Benevolent gift giving elf of Eternia

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Game Tape

And now it’s time for another Game Tape… the continuing story of a comic buyer gone to the dogs. Or something like that.

This time around we’re going in alphabetical order…no good reason. No bad reason for that matter.

Action Comics #891 would have been much more enjoyable if I hadn’t seen “Inception” last week. Mr. Mind’s “son” plays a frantic DiCaprio here. Lex Luthor being who he is, the story ends as it has to, but there’s still the mysterious hand behind this manipulation. That’s not to say that the book is dull. Going through it was quite a bit of fun. The down side is that it feels like more should have happened than actually did.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I love time travel stories. Time travel is the one scientific conceit that is guaranteed to get my engines going. Fantastic Four #581 fired on all four cylinders. A minor mystery is resolved and Reed goes to college. Thanks to his dad, he gets a heady education. Mr. Hickman, continue the good work.

Secret Avengers #3 was a little muddled. It’s a middle part issue that isn’t too bad, but it wasn’t overwhelmingly good either. The crown business is sort of making more sense, and they’ve thrown in alternate dimensional travel to boot. Anyway, I’m still enjoying this most of the new Avengers books. As a side note, alternate dimensional travel is not nearly as interesting as time travel for me…although theoretically they’re the same thing.

Speaking of the theoretical, I should theoretically be enjoying Thor: The Mighty Avenger. It’s written by Roger Langridge. In practice, it feels like a Year One story without much meat to it. It’s curious because there is no Donald Blake, but there’s a Thor and there’s a Jane Foster. On reflection, this is really more of a Jane Foster story. It’s just sort of boring; I certainly didn’t expect that from Langridge. The first issue was decent, but heartless. This week’s second issue drags down.


In the Also Ran category are Buzzard #2, Muppet Show #8, Batman, Return of Bruce Wayne #5, and Bill Batson and the Magic of SHAZAM!

Uh…errrrrr…yeah…

I stand by my previous comment that the first page of All Star Superman #1 is the most perfectly crafted page in comics’ history. The above page might be number two on that list. Coming from Amazing Spider-Man we see Otto returning to Aunt May in a scene that reads like it’s the prelude to a fan-fic story about Doc Ock and Aunt May getting it on.


Aunt May — Secrets!!!

I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue. And 85 years of circus performing has left me QUITE limber.

Secrets!

Other super-villains I almost married: Norman Osborn, J. Jonah Jameson, Mac Gargan, Eddie Brock, and The Kangaroo.

Secrets!

I made one ill-fated attempt at villainy in the 1970's, but getting defeated by Hostess fruit pies got my head straight.

Secrets!

Yes, my becoming the heard of Galactus is canon. Golden Oldie will ride again!

Secrets!

After Peter moved out I found some of his old textbooks, and they had CENTERFOLDS of the periodic table in them! Shocking!

Secrets!!!

The curious case of the Golden Age Aquaman

It’s odd the things that keep me up at night. Last night I was awake in bed pondering the poetry of death in Crisis on Infinite Earths. It was seen as necessary that the Earth-1 heroes having counterparts of the same identity become the only ones. To wit, Marv Wolfman went out of his way to make sure that Earth-2 doppelgangers got a heroic moment of sacrifice or death. Everyone got some death love except Earth-2 Aquaman.

Batman had been killed several years previous in the pages of Adventure Comics.

The other heroes that needed to die got moments in Crisis. Superman sacrifices his life to contain and defeat the Anti-Monitor. Wonder Woman is unmade and given a place in the Elyssian Fields along with her pre-deceased husband: Steve Trevor. Then Green Arrow dies attempting to combat the Anti-Monitor’s Shadow Demons. Even Robin and Huntress get proper deaths.

The Golden Age Aquaman simply ceased to exist. While he never appears in the maxi-series…or any previous JLA/JSA crossover for that matter… he should have existed. He does briefly appeared in a couple of issues of All Star Squadron; in fact, he does his disappearing act during the Crisis crossover issue albeit ex camera.

I understand the need to say good bye to E-2 Superman and Wonder Woman. They both had prominent Silver Age and Bronze Age appearances. I puzzles me greatly that someone felt the need to pull E-2 Green Arrow out of mothballs, but they completely neglect Aquaman. It seems like a very random move.

So for the record: money, job, or women problems don’t keep me up at night, but the final fate of aquatic Golden Age characters does.

This Week’s Comics

It’s a pretty disappointing week in terms of new comics this week. Here’s what I’m looking at.

  • BUZZARD #2 (OF 3) – The story of The Goon’s Buzzard continues here. If you like The Goon, you know what you’ll be getting with this one.
  • MUPPET SHOW #8 – The last story arc, featuring “Scooter’s sister” was great, and even though I never cared for Skeeter in the past I liked her here.  I just can’t figure out what “story reason” they would have for not saying her name until the end of issue 7.  Anyone who saw a certain early-80’s cartoon would already know who she was, and anyone who didn’t wouldn’t care.  At any rate, The Muppet Show is hilarious, and a great example of stories that stand alone while still working as part of a larger arc.  I just hope Roger Langridge does the art on this new story.  As much as I love Mebberson’s art, Langridge conveys a wonderful sense of kinetic energy and claustrophobia in the Muppet Theater, and his panels always contain tons of background jokes.


Even though it’s a light week, I’ve picked up plenty of back issues this weekend that I’ll be catching up on, including the little-known yet strangely hard-to-find Flashpoint Elseworlds mini and wrapping up the Shed story from Amazing Spider-Man that everyone has been raving about.

I also just finished the first “season” of Sleeper, and while I won’t do a full review here, I will say that every good thing you’ve heard about this title is true and well-deserved.

That’s it for me.  What are YOU looking at?