The LIST…How to lose (Girl/ Boy) Friends and Alienate People

Have you ever had the unfortunate experience of explaining something comic book related to someone who does not read comics (work colleagues or worse: significant others)? It often results in the curious party looking at you as though you’re an imbecile. I’ve found that when I spout phrases like “fifth dimensional imp” that a small part of me… self respect?… dies. Some things are better left unexplained or never said out loud. In order to help others avoid these embarrassing and potentially relationship ending moments, we at LEMUR have compiled a handy list of topics and questions that are better left not discussed.

1. Any origin story except for Batman’s

2. Comic collecting questions/ concerns

a. You have to go to the comic book store EVERY Wednesday?

b. You’re spending how much per month on comics?!?

c. What are you going to do with all those comics?

d. Why a box of comics from the 1990’s isn’t worth as much as your girlfriend/boyfriend’s brother might believe them to be, “But I’ve got all those copies of X-Force #1… with cards IN THEIR BAGS!”

3. Justice Society vs. Justice League vs. Super Friends

4. No, Spider-man is a Marvel character, and Superman is a DC character. You can’t play pretend and have them both in the game UNLESS you come up with a plausible explanation of how they both ended up in the same universe.

5. The WHAT Age?!?!?!

6. Why it’s inaccurate to describe Green Lantern’s ring as a, “magic ring.”

7. Superman and Batman aren’t best friends?

8. Why Aquaman is cool

9. Why fear, hope, and will are emotions.

10. Any mutant power that takes more than five words to explain.

11. Comic book anatomy, spandex, and unrealistic body types.

12. The prevalence of red heads, fishnets, and high heeled boots in combat.

13. Why doesn’t Batman just kill the Joker?

Wait…that’s his disguise? Glasses?!? Why doesn’t anyone recognize him?

2 comments on “The LIST…How to lose (Girl/ Boy) Friends and Alienate People

  1. Hoyt Spivey says:

    Litmus test is to refer to some group as a superstitious and cowardly lot, then gauge reactions.

  2. Jesse says:

    The other day we saw this masterpiece and I and to (try to) explain why it was the most awesome thing ever, and not the dumbest thing ever put on TV. I don’t think I succeeded.

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