Return of THE LIST

When you’ve got a mad-on for Superman, AND you own your own multi-billion dollar conglomerate, it’s only natural that you’d use some of your vast resources to meet certain murderous goal. This week we look at some of the LexCorp projects that don’t show up in the annual budget submitted to stockholders. What’s Lex keeping off the books?

Project Lion-o – a military project designed to give bald soldiers flowing and intimidating red manes.

Projects Kill-the-Bastard-Slowly and Kill-the-Bastard-Quickly – quasi – scientific investigation into how best to do harm to a hypothetical Kryptonian male with a spit-curl… in order that we might avoid/ counteract these methods should they be accidentally used.

The Kryptonite Kitten – A two-step project, one to make a variety of artificial Kryptonite that does not glow and one to make a living animal out of the results, so cute it will be irresistible to any humanoid. cf: Kryptonite Man

The Solaranite Gambit – a study working on making sunlight flammable, and sunlight stored in the cells of an animal explosive.

The Puppy Paradox – while running for president, Luthor scientists dabbled in recombinant DNA research to see if Lex could be imbued with the cuteness of a golden retriever puppy. While the cute gene was discovered, Luthor’s body rejected all attempts at gene therapy.

The Rainbow Raider – Luthor personally oversaw a project creating a food additive to make clouds of flatulence visible and therefore easily avoided by innocent bystanders. Other than the colorful fart clouds, this project had nothing to do with the Flash villain of the same name.

The Composite Luthor/Joker – archnemesis of the Composite Batman/Superman

Project Yellow – an attempt to make every single item in Coast City yellow

The Funny Agenda – a botched stand-up comedy tour

Gotham City of Lights – Luthor’s most embarrassing attempt to thwart the Batman by convincing the Gotham City Chamber of Commerce to initiate a Paris of the America’s tourist campaign: covering every square inch of Gotham in gaily colored halogen lighting.

Illegal Alien Initiative – To build a space-faring time machine in order to retrieve both Kal – El’s and J’onn J’onnz’s native birth certificates in an effort to deport the “heroes” off planet.

Project ACK! – Researching the possibilities of cloning cartoonist Cathy Guisewite with the intent of forcing clones to produce the famed cartoonist’s classics strip for all eternity. Previous attempts to produce a clone by splicing in Luthor’s own DNA proved to be unfunny.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s