When you’ve got a mad-on for Superman, AND you own your own multi-billion dollar conglomerate, it’s only natural that you’d use some of your vast resources to meet certain murderous goal. This week we look at some of the LexCorp projects that don’t show up in the annual budget submitted to stockholders. What’s Lex keeping off the books?
Project Lion-o – a military project designed to give bald soldiers flowing and intimidating red manes.
Projects Kill-the-Bastard-Slowly and Kill-the-Bastard-Quickly – quasi – scientific investigation into how best to do harm to a hypothetical Kryptonian male with a spit-curl… in order that we might avoid/ counteract these methods should they be accidentally used.
The Kryptonite Kitten – A two-step project, one to make a variety of artificial Kryptonite that does not glow and one to make a living animal out of the results, so cute it will be irresistible to any humanoid. cf: Kryptonite Man
The Solaranite Gambit – a study working on making sunlight flammable, and sunlight stored in the cells of an animal explosive.
The Puppy Paradox – while running for president, Luthor scientists dabbled in recombinant DNA research to see if Lex could be imbued with the cuteness of a golden retriever puppy. While the cute gene was discovered, Luthor’s body rejected all attempts at gene therapy.
The Rainbow Raider – Luthor personally oversaw a project creating a food additive to make clouds of flatulence visible and therefore easily avoided by innocent bystanders. Other than the colorful fart clouds, this project had nothing to do with the Flash villain of the same name.
The Composite Luthor/Joker – archnemesis of the Composite Batman/Superman
Project Yellow – an attempt to make every single item in Coast City yellow
The Funny Agenda – a botched stand-up comedy tour
Gotham City of Lights – Luthor’s most embarrassing attempt to thwart the Batman by convincing the Gotham City Chamber of Commerce to initiate a Paris of the America’s tourist campaign: covering every square inch of Gotham in gaily colored halogen lighting.
Illegal Alien Initiative – To build a space-faring time machine in order to retrieve both Kal – El’s and J’onn J’onnz’s native birth certificates in an effort to deport the “heroes” off planet.
Project ACK! – Researching the possibilities of cloning cartoonist Cathy Guisewite with the intent of forcing clones to produce the famed cartoonist’s classics strip for all eternity. Previous attempts to produce a clone by splicing in Luthor’s own DNA proved to be unfunny.
I’ve recently been reading some Dwayne McDuffie JL of A issue, and it has occurred to me that nothing take me out of a comic faster than trying to decipher her dialogue. Which brings us to this week’s poll: how do you read her spellcasting? And if you want to add any Zatanna-related comments below, feel free.
Wow, there’s a good amount of stuff to talk about this time around. Here’s what I’m looking at this week.
BLACK DYNAMITE SLAVE ISLAND GN – Expect a dissertation on Black Dynamite to show up tomorrow, but for now I’ll say this: Black Dynamite is an amazing film, with a cast and crew who really know and love their source material: blaxploitation films. This is not one of the ridiculous be-afro’ed pimps who show up in a comic every couple years, this is the real deal. Black Dynamite comes with my highest possible recommendation. And there will be sharks.
GREEN LANTERN #65 and GREEN LANTERN CORPS #59 – I’m resisting the urge to start quoting The Godfather, but I was happily out of the Green Lantern line until War of the Green Lanterns kicked off. And now I’m off the wagon.
SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN #1000 – Seriously Marvel, you can bite me with this shit.
SUPER DINOSAUR #1 – The cynic in me says this is a blatant attempt to catch in on the wave of new zany comics, or at the very least Axe Cop. But the optimist in me says it’s a kid running around with a cybernetic dinosaur so I have to at least check it out.
UNCANNY X-FORCE #8 – Marvel makes sure we know that they’re going to pry every single possible dollar from our hands by keeping their titles at $4.
I’ve finally picked up a copy of Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters #1. I found out that local shop I Want More Comics also got their shop one of the variant covers so I was happy to be able to check it out. I’m fairly pleased with it, a slow burn of a first issue that doesn’t explain the origin of Godzilla so much, but does present the first appearance of the king of the monsters in Japan, and explain where his fire breathing ability comes from (not that I’ve ever cared). This is very much a ground-level Godzilla story, taking place from the human point of view rather than the monstrous. Powell is a comic book master, and while I’d prefer a little faster pacing, I understand the need to properly lay the groundwork for the appearance of a creature that looks like it’s going to destroy Tokyo. I have faith he’s going to take us where we want to go, and this title promises to feature all of the Toho creatures, so I’ll be on-board for a while. The art by Phil Hester is solidly drafted (he opted for one of the more feline variants of Godzilla), but his panel layout is incredibly hard to read at times. The way his pages are laid out are reminiscent of how Powell lays out The Goon, but Powell has the benefit of softer coloring to pad between scenes and I think Hester would be well-served to stick with more traditional panel borders for the time being, unless the coloring style changes up.
I was happy to get caught up on Nick Spencer’s new Image title Infinite Vacation, whose second issue hit the stands last week. Infinite Vacation is a service that uses the theory of infinite universes to create an online auction system that allows you to trade lives with any parallel version of yourself, letting you live a life that may have been. Mark is a heavy user, averaging almost 10 jumps per day, and someone is killing him across realities. While that would be a good enough story to provide you with plotlines for years, Spencer also looks at the social and moral ramifications of the Infinite Vacation, and provides an interesting counterpoint with the “deadenders,” the 3% of society that refuses to participate (and the group I would probably fall in with). I’ll have to do some research to find out if this is an ongoing or a mini, but I’d love to see stories of other vacationers, too. This is a lush, well-rounded world Spencer and artist Christian Ward have created in just two issues, and I can’t wait to see where they take us.
Mile High Comics’s web site is starting to show significant price drops of this year’s issues, so that is a resource I’m able to take advantage of now. I’ve updated my running pull list to reflect the new books I’ve picked up, and that’s it for this week. What are YOU looking at?
I think my experiment is leading me to take more chances on indie books I’m allowing myself to try, which is good, but I also think it signifies how frustrated I’m getting by not buying new comics every week. Here’s what I’m looking at this week.
GI JOE COBRA #1 100 PENNY PRESS – I’m digging the IDW 100 Penny Press issues, and I enjoyed the reprint of Marvel’s #1, but I’ve been wanting to check out of the more recent Joe issues because of Matt’s reviews. So here’s a great chance! WIN.
INFINITE VACATION #2 – I missed #1, but I’m happy to give a new Nick Spencer series a shot.
NEW AVENGERS #11
SHIELD INFINITY – If this is a continuation of the Hickman series I’m in.
UNCANNY X-FORCE #7 – I’m almost completely caught up on Rick Remender’s X-Force series and enjoying it immensely. Even though I like Remender’s work in it’s own right, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Jason Aaron. Random aside: Why did Marvel put the .1 issue in the middle of a story arc? Sure it’s a good jumping on point, but if it convinces you to pick up the series when you pick up the next issue you wind up smack-dab in the middle of a story arc, thereby negating the whole point.
Last week I picked up the first issue of Blue Estate. A noir detective story that so far features no detecting, is intriguing enough to check out the next few issues to see if it goes anywhere. Soft-boiled detective Roy Devine, Jr appears to be riding a famous name through life and not doing much with it, but much like The Dude appears to be drifting into waters over his head.* Amazing art by Nathan Fox (and a bunch of other guys…seriously, there are a ton of people in the art credits) is a welcome presence after Dark Reign: Zodiac, and his Paul Pope-inspired linework is probably enough to keep me coming back even if the story turns out to be a letdown.
In other news, when will I ever learn that no matter how much I think the Moon Knight arc I’m about to pick up will be the good one I’ve been waiting for, it never is. And never will be.
I’ve updated my running pull list for this week. What are YOU looking at?
*Please submit your own cliches in the comments section.