Nu-Marvel

We’ve taken our fair share of potshots at DC lately, with their new reboot, but Marvel’s doing their share of retooling, too, from the relaunch of Uncanny X-Men to the introduction of Miles Morales in the Ultimate line.  But what if they did a full relaunch, a la DC?  For this week’s LIST we present Our Proposals For a Marvel Reboot.

  • Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters is under close government supervision due to violations of the No Child Left Behind law.

  • Fantastic Four no longer becomes a team in issue 1.  Instead it takes 12 issues and 6 ancillary miniseries.

  • In a new series set “7 years ago,” Kree soldier Corporal Mar-Vell begins his adventures on Earth.

  • Heroes now endorse Tastykakes rather than Hostess Fruit Pies.

  • The Adventures of Li’l Warren Ellis reignites Marvel’s all-ages line.

  • US 1 is a flagship title in the 616 Marvel #1’s released.

  • The visible effect of Gamma radiation is now paisley, not green.

  • The Infinity Gems now form Captain Planet when collected.

  • Ego the Living Planet now has a costume, manages recruitment for the Nova Corps

  • Art-wise, there is a re-institution of a Marvel house-style. Every man looks like either Bruce Campbell or Abe Vigoda while all female characters look like Jennifer Love Hewitt or Bea Arthur.

  • Captain America’s cowl wings have been replaced with Mickey Mouse ears.

  • Professor Zoom goes back in time, pushes Aunt May down a set of stairs

Captain Comet… SECRETS!

I guess the biggest "secret" is that I'm still alive.

secret…

My rank? It's legit. I'm a Captain in the Kiss Army.

secret…

I really don't have anything interesting to say.

Secret…

In a space-bar on Ceti Alpha VII, I once saw David Bowie and Adam Strange get into a space-knife fight. Bowie won.

SECRET…

Mostly these days I keep busy with my space-cupcake boutique.

 SECRETS!

This Week’s Comics

A weird melange of comics coming out this week!  Here’s this week’s noteworthy titles.

  • FEAR ITSELF HULK VS DRACULA #2 (OF 3) – Lord, I’m a sucker for an unusual matchup.
  • FF #9 – I’ve found a few issues of Jonathan Hickman’s FF, but I can’t really dive into it until I find Fantastic Four #587 and 588, and FF #1.  Anyone know good places to snag those on the cheap?  They’re definitely the hardest to find titles of this experiment.
  • GODZILLA KINGDOM OF MONSTERS #7
  • HERC #8 – I’ve found the first couple issues of Herc and found it lacking a lot of the joy I got from the Incredible Hercules, so I think I’m going to stop here until I get a bit more caught up and can better judge the title.
  • HOLY TERROR HC – I’m torn on this one, so I’ll be keeping a close eye on the reviews for Frank Miller’s Batman vs Al Qaeda minus Batman.  This one may very well just come down to where your politics lie.
  • SECRET AVENGERS #17
  • VENOM #7 – See: Herc #8 and FF #9
  • WOLVERINE #16

Expect more reviews next week, as I’ll have had a chance to read The Big Lie #1, and large chunks of Jeff Parker’s Hulk and Gail Simone’s Secret Six, an incredibly hard title to track down.

And before wrapping it up this week, I’d just like to wish Arthur Curry a happy birthday;  He turned 70 yesterday.  Many happy returns, buddy!

That’s it for me, what are YOU looking at?

Turn and face the strange…LIST

Many changes in the DCnU are getting major press both inside and outside of the comics industry. Each week of new issues reveals new changes for fans to rave and rant over until the next Wednesday. Below, you’ll find some of the changes that won’t be making headlines… if they’re noticed at all.

QWERTY keyboards blinked from existence. They’ve been replaced by the OHBUGER board (pronounced “Oh Bugger).

Atlantis is no longer an agrarian-based society.

The most popular search engine in the DCnU is Alta Vista with it’s popular brand of Automaton phones and products.

Greedo did, in fact, shoot first in 1977’s theatrical release of “Star Wars.”

Vanilla Ice enjoyed a long and popular career before being gunned down in a car with Suge Knight.

Joker Gas is now contains no caffeine.

Mirror Master is still an apprentice.  However, true to his villainous nature, he’s keeping his name the same.

The gravity is 1.025  times greater than it was in the DCU.

Purple and green have never been associated with villains. Khaki and shades of taupe are the DCnU villain colors.

Earth-Prime's DC Comics still uses the DC Bullet.

The Joker beat Jason Todd with a prybar, not a crowbar.

This Week’s Comics

There is just a huge amount of Marvel titles I’m looking at right now, both due to quality and an addiction the New 52 isn’t filling.  Here’s this week’s noteworthy titles.

  • AVENGERS #17
  • DAREDEVIL #4 – By all accounts, Mark Waid is knocking this one out of the park.
  • HULK #41
  • MARK TWAINS AUTOBIOGRAPHY 1910-2010 HC – Michael Kupperman’s new book finally makes it out this week!  Even though I miss Tales Designed To Thrizzle, getting a new OGN makes it all worthwhile.
  • RED WING #3 (OF 4) – I confess, Jonathan Hickman’s time travel epic hasn’t done a whole lot for me, but it’s still worth seeing where it goes.
  • TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES ONGOING #2 – I picked up the first issue last month and it was pretty solid.  I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here, but I’m 90% sure this is an entirely new continuity. Worth picking up if you’re a fan of the Turtles.
  • THUNDERBOLTS #163 POINT ONE
  • X-MEN SCHISM #4 (OF 5)

The Rob and Robert Kirkman’s Infinite #2 shows a marked improvement over the first issue, although Rob, whose work is improving, still needs to focus on his consistency, as the pouches, pockets, straps, and miscellanea change with characters from panel to panel.  Even worse, the inconsistency occasionally spreads to Hi-Fi Design’s colors.  Kirkman’s story, though not revelatory, is solid and serves the story.

One benefit to waiting until Saturday to get new comics is that you have the opportunity to review your pull list between Wednesday and the trip to your comic shop.  After reading several positive reviews I decided to pick up Pigs #1, by Nate Cosby (former Incredible Hercules editor and source of that titles amazing onomatopoeias), Ben McCool, and Breno Tamura.  It’s not a perfect start, but it is a very good start.  I could have done with less pages of an old man on a bicycle — who only exists to get killed off — and more explanation of who the talking heads are, especially the Cuban family.  The investigators also reminded me more of TV police officers rather than federal agents.  Still, the intrigue of a KGB Cuban sleeper cell in the US is intriguing enough to keep me coming back through the first arc.  I’m hoping this book turns into The Losers, though that may just be the influence of the beautiful cover by Jock.

That’s it for me. What are YOU looking at?