We’ve taken our fair share of potshots at DC lately, with their new reboot, but Marvel’s doing their share of retooling, too, from the relaunch of Uncanny X-Men to the introduction of Miles Morales in the Ultimate line.  But what if they did a full relaunch, a la DC?  For this week’s LIST we present Our Proposals For a Marvel Reboot.

  • Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters is under close government supervision due to violations of the No Child Left Behind law.

  • Fantastic Four no longer becomes a team in issue 1.  Instead it takes 12 issues and 6 ancillary miniseries.

  • In a new series set “7 years ago,” Kree soldier Corporal Mar-Vell begins his adventures on Earth.

  • Heroes now endorse Tastykakes rather than Hostess Fruit Pies.

  • The Adventures of Li’l Warren Ellis reignites Marvel’s all-ages line.

  • US 1 is a flagship title in the 616 Marvel #1’s released.

  • The visible effect of Gamma radiation is now paisley, not green.

  • The Infinity Gems now form Captain Planet when collected.

  • Ego the Living Planet now has a costume, manages recruitment for the Nova Corps

  • Art-wise, there is a re-institution of a Marvel house-style. Every man looks like either Bruce Campbell or Abe Vigoda while all female characters look like Jennifer Love Hewitt or Bea Arthur.

  • Captain America’s cowl wings have been replaced with Mickey Mouse ears.

  • Professor Zoom goes back in time, pushes Aunt May down a set of stairs

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