Monday was Halloween; in all universes that means that children dressed in all manner of costumes to wheedle candy from neighbors. What if your neighbor is a super hero? Or a super villain? Does that mean those kids get something special or dangerous? Maybe… maybe not. Here’s what heroes and villains handed out on All Hallows Evening.

Aquaman is single handedly keeping this unpopular candy in stores... Thanks again... A-hole.

Hank Pym – stale candy corn and pennies

Poison Ivy – Apples.  With pheromones to make children susceptible to suggestion

Silver Age Lex Luthor – kryptonite jaw breakers… you never know when a kid is going to run into Superman.

The Penguin – Tins of sardines

Black Panther – Chocolate covered vibranium

Avengers Mansion – Promotional movie tie-in snax

Bruce Wayne – bat-a-rangs (completely safe now that he’s CEO of Batman Inc.

Modern Age Lex Luthor – a liberal dousing with a garden hose, the only liberal thing he’s ever done.

The Tick! – justice: the sweet hard candy of justice

Clark Kent – Full-sized candy bars.  WHAAA?!?!

J. Jonah Jameson – pencils from his mayoral campaign printed with the slogan, “Don’t be a menace… VOTE Jameson!!”

Milk and Cheese: giving gin at Halloween since 1988


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