Superhero Warning Labels

You know those ridiculous warning labels on everything you buy, telling you not to use a hair dryer in the bathtub or iron your clothes while you’re wearing them?  Well, super-folks have to worry about that, too.  Batman can’t recover every Batarang he throws and the Wayne Foundation would quickly go bankrupt from lawsuits when babies put them in their mouths and slice off their tongues.  The solution?  Well, warning labels, obviously.  Sure, some of these sound silly, but for every label rest assured that this is the result of a lost lawsuit.  For this week’s LIST we present Warning Labels on Superhero (and Villain!)  Gadgets.
  • Batarangs – WARNING: May be sharp!  Do not aim at head or eyes!

  • Human Torch (android) – WARNING!! Contents my ignite when in contact with oxygen

  • Pym Particles – CAUTION: Objects in mirror may be smaller than they appear

  • Reed Richards’ Unstable Molecules – AIR DRY ONLY

  • Knockout Gas – May cause drowsiness

  • Hulk’s ripped purple pants – DO NOT TOUCH.  If you come into contact with these pants, flush eyes with water and contact your local HazMat immediately

  • Spider-Mobile – USE ONLY IN CASE OF 1970’s

  • Avengers Quinjet – WARNING: May contain Hank Pym

  • Infinity Gauntlet – Some symptoms of prolonged use include the following: erasing the space time continuum, headache, anal leakage, and priapism

  • Legion flight rings – NOTICE: Flight rings will not operate between dusk on Friday and sunset on Saturday

  • Spider-Man’s web fluid – For external use only

  • Stark Tech – NOTICE: Store all Stark Tech in a dry cool place with plenty of alcohol.


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