Captain America — Secrets!

Most people don't know this, but I had my name legally changed to Captain America.

Secrets!

Being asleep for 4 decades isn't so bad. The pornography has gotten
WAY better overnight!

Secrets!

Bucky staying dead was one of the inviolate rules of comics for
decades. So much so they originally planned on Ben Parker being
Winter Soldier.

Secrets!

Don't tell anyone, but I preferred Rob Liefeld's eagle to this dumb A.

Secrets!

I'm thinking about running for president, but I don't think the Tea
Party would really go for my policies.

SECRETS!!!

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Game Tape

Books came out, they’ve been read, and here’s what I thought.

I’ve been curious and tempted by A vs X teasers and hype. With issues 0 & 1 out this week (?) my curiosity turns to cynicism and reminds me why I don’t read Bendis anymore. Issue 0 (re)introduces us to Hope and Scarlet Witch in two separate and unconnected stories. It doesn’t bode well for a book when you can sum up a book in two sentences: People really hate Scarlet Witch. A teen with extraordinary powers is rebelling. It took a full issue to dully establish the status quo for the upcoming fracas. The weapons MODOK uses are interesting, but that’s about it.

AvsX #1


Issue #1 showed me that things weren’t going to pick up ergo I would not pick up the other issues. If you’ve seen a Roland Emmerich film, you’ve read the first issue. We get quick views into the status quo of the characters we’re supposed to care for. We are introduced to the crisis via a government council meeting. People talk about stuff related to the impending crisis. Something inexplicably explodes. No. No. No.

The only thing that kept All-Star Western #7 from being great was Dr. Arkham. Why is he still around? The story is set in New Orleans. Nighthawk and Cinnamon are there. Potentially great, but there’s the whining and endlessly prattling character narrating and annoying all. He’s supposed to be a foil for Hex, but he’s not much of anything. Someone pop a cap in him.

If you don’t get the tinglies from the last couple of pages of FF #16, we probably won’t have much to say to each other. The rest of the issue isn’t bad, but those last pages…WOW.

A New Project

I’ve done a little shilling for the Denver Comic Con in these pages lately (June 15-17, get your tickets now!), but there’s something else comic-related happening this summer.  Cellar Door, a Denver literary anthology, is releasing an all-comic issue timed to come out around the convention.  Titled (and themed) “Ancient,” you’ll see work by some great and committed Denver-area cartoonists.  If you’re able to track down a copy, you’ll also see a 9-page story titled “What REALLY Happened to the Seven Wonders of the World,” drawn by FotB Andrew with words by me.  It’s a humorous (hopefully!) look at what destroyed mankind’s greatest engineering marvels, and if nothing else it will be amazing to look at. 

There’s also a Kickstarter going on to help defray printing costs, which is worth checking out for a little more backstory on the project and the opportunity to snag a copy once it comes out, potentially for less than cover price.

If you’re even remotely curious what happens when we don’t even attempt to come close to honesty keep your eyes peeled, we’d appreciate your support!

Tomorrow’s Comics

I’m so excited for this week, no preamble.  We’re jumping right in! Here are this week’s new and noteworthy releases.

Yes, that's a robot about to whack something with a tiny dinosaur.

  • ATOMIC ROBO REAL SCIENCE ADV #1 $2.75 – New Atomic Robo, and look at that price!  Many issues of AR include backup features written by Brian Clevenger and drawn by other available artists.  Real Science Adventures takes these from the backups and makes them the featured story.  I admit I always appreciate Scott Wegener’s art the most on Robo, partially because he’s just that good, but mainly because the quality of the guest artists tends to fluctuate pretty wildly.  Still, new Robo is new Robo, and you can’t go wrong for less than $3.
  • BLOODSTRIKE #26 – I am SO torn about this one!  On the one hand, it’s Bloodstrike, the main signal that the 90’s had gotten dangerously out of control (yeah, yeah, I read it.  Shut up.).  On the other, The Rob’s Extreme relaunch has been surprisingly good, so it’s got the virtue of being in good company.  I’m in for now.
  • DAREDEVIL #10 – I believe I covered this.
  • FF #16 – After finally finding FF #1, I’ve read the first year’s worth of stories now.  It’s technically good, but I definitely feel like it misses out on part of the appeal of Hickman’s run, namely that just about every story was a standalone but fed into the whole.  It was very artfully done, and after 12 issues a complete story hasn’t been told yet.  I think that’s pretty poor form.  Still, it’s solid FF’ery if you can be patient with it.
  • SNARKED #6
  • TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES ONGOING #8

I had planned to take this space to mention Greg Rucka’s new Punisher series, but that will have to wait until next week, when I’ll pair it up with Rick Remender’s new Venom.  So that’s it for this week.  What looks good to you?

Truly, this is the LIST of LISTS

Oh, we've THOUGHT about telling you where his nose went, but we kept it to ourselves.

We’ve been running our weekly LIST for a while now…82 weeks to be exact, which makes it one of our longest-running features..  We don’t give ourselves a lot of boundaries, but there are some things even we consider crossing the line.  For this week’s LIST we take you behind the scenes to LISTS We’ve Scrapped.  For one reason or another, these just were not  and could not make the cut.

  • Things found in Alan Moore’s beard

  • Superheroes’ Favorite Numbers

  • Heroes that are also Urban Dictionary Entries

  • Other Things Hank Pym Has Hit

  • Crimes that would land you in the Phantom Zone

  • Mutants Based on Kama Sutra Positions

  • Characters and Titles that never made it past the Comics Code Authority

  • Fish Aquaman Has Only Commanded Once

Wanna know the weirdest things ever found in these envelopes? Trust us, you don't.

  • Where to hide a body in Gotham City

  • Other characters Bob Kane has taken credit for

  • Aunt May’s Favorite Sex Toys

  • Distances measured in units of Wolverine

  • Ant-Man’s Trophy Room

  • Things Rob Liefeld Can Draw Better Than Anyone, Ever

Game Tape

Not much I’m excited about this week. So here are three briefs.

Uncanny X-Men #8 is just okay this month. Basically, the story and the dialogue are more boilerplate than I’ve come to expect from Gillen in this series. There’s a prison break, our superhero team is called to wrangle them, and the Avengers show up to lend a hand. The sense of threat and anything really being at stake are negligible. If this issue was intended to show buddy-buddy status quo of the Avengers and X-men pre A vs X, it didn’t do much outside of tell the reader, “Hey we’re both good guys and we’re fighting bad guys together.” At the end of the issue, I was left feeling like I had finished reading a plot outline rather than an actual story.

The main reason I’ve always enjoyed Eric Powell’s works isn’t the (often excessive) potty humor, nor is it seeing a guy punch the hated slack-jaws into submission. The man knows how to tell a story. This has certainly been evident in the last two issues of The Goon. #37 & 38 actually have little to no involvement from our titular character. In spite of this fact, they have been enjoyable. Both issues deal with (literally and figuratively) strong  women surviving in the depression era world of The Goon. As much as I’m looking forward to further stories involving people punching, shooting, and knifing the undead, as long as Powell remembers how to tell a good story I’m on board.

Regarding Batman #7: “Court of Owls” needs to end. The song has played too long. This issue’s “revelation” had the impact of a balled up sheet of paper. While the issues aren’t badly written, this Johnsian decompression is giving me the bends.

With this week gone, here’s to better days.