Science FAIL

The best origins (ie: everyone Peter Parker has EVER come in contact with) come from doing science…Or more specifically, doing science badly.  For every functioning Doctor Octopus or Parasite there’s a Human Tongue or Crazy Quilt taking up oxygen that the rest of us could be using.  This week we present Lesser-Known Comic Book Science Mishaps.

If you hang out with this guy, expect a science-related mishap sooner rather than later.

  • Vincent Van Dome’s passion was to build a machine to transport him beyond the vail of life and death and back again. Little is known about what exactly happened. Suffice it to say, he succeeded in inventing a device that gave him a one way trip.
  • Gaining badger powers after a prison experiment gone awry, Rick Jackson fights against crime and for equal rights as the Gay Badger. (Note: this is different from the Golden Age Gay Badger, who had a totally different deal.)
  • Dayshift janitor Wendel Mintz accidentally ate an experimental fried pie at the Hostess Labs. He gained the proportionate strength and digestibility of a high caloric snack cake. Not to mention that he now smells like cinnamon apples.
  • An explosion at the petting zoo gave Milton Koontz the powers of every animal in his exhibit.  Now he fights never-ending boredom (and not much else) as the Heavy Petter.
  • While attempting to stop a robbery at the Purina test laboratories, rent-a-cop Jeff Perro was forced to eat an experimental “vitamin-fortified” dog chow. Never intended for human consumption, the chow altered Jeff’s brain chemistry. He now solves petty crimes with his new hunting and herding instincts as “Golden Retreiver.”
  • When nuclear fallout touches down on Max Danish after an excessively-long bath, his skin becomes permanently wrinkled. Adopting a guise as a senior citizen, he commits crime as The Prune.
  • While doing science in his home laboratory, something happened to Joe Blank when a kajigger went kablewy. The vague accident drove Blank to a life of some manner of crime as “That Guy.” He would later join a group of similarly non-specific villains called “Those People.”
  • An explosion at the library (it happens!) fuses two secret fornicators into one body!  They harness the power of Information Sciences to fight crime (and each other) as the Bibliophile!
  • Inspired by her hero, Ant-Man, Georgette Lewis set out to develop a helmet to allow her to communicate with bees. Her hope was to use them to solve and fight crimes. With limited to no expertise in electronics and micro circuitry, to date the best she has mustered is a helmet allowing her to communicate with other humans.
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