Emma Frost — Secrets!

I can make my body display the toe of any animal.

Secrets!

Honestly, I’m glad Frank Quitely includes the zipper on my costume. Nobody else thinks about how I’m going to take out my penis.

Secrets!

It’s not blue lip gloss, I just make out with Bobby Drake a LOT.

Secrets!

The X-Men are WAY more evil than the Hellfire Club. Cyclops NEVER pays his parking tickets!

Secrets!

I guess if there’s anything I’ve learned during my time with the X-Men, it’s this: Psylocke is a lousy psychic.

SECRETS!!!

Loki… SECRETS!

I got yer Norn Stones right here.

secret…

My proudest moment to date would have to be winning a local day-time Emmy for hard hitting investigative reporting into corrupt Asgardians.

Secret…

Asgardian hair is made of what you mortals call “cotton candy.” It’s delicious.

SECRET…

Sure I tricked Thor to turn into a woman and a frog, and I convinced Odin to banish him to Earth, but I’m most proud of the time I tricked Thor into getting a job at Burger King. “Verily thou hast had it thine way!”

SECRET…

Embarrassing trends and goofy turns of phrase have always been my specialty.

SECRETS!

Supergirl — Secrets!

I couldn't BELIEVE the fuss when I switched to undershorts. Wait, they WHAT?!?!?

Secrets!

I'm glad I had streaky. Kal refused to get Krypto "fixed".

Secrets!

I don't know why these rumors persist about me and Luthor. Wait, Luthor and I. Wait, no. Grammar is dumb, kids.

Secrets!

They coined the term "muffin top" after me. When I was a kid Ma Kent liked to bake pies a LIIIIIIIIIITTLE too much.

Secrets!

You may have guessed, I have one secret go-to move that's in every Kryptonian's arsenal.

SECRETS!!!

Snapper Carr… Secrets

I've always seen myself as a low-rent Rick Jones.

secret…

Sometimes when the team was on a mission, I'd sit at the big table and put the Atom's chair in my mouth. Dunno why...just 'cuz.

Secret…

These days I fight different battles against the enemies of tooth decay and GINGIVITIS as Dr. Lucas Carr, D.D.S.!

Secret…

The whole snapping thing... it's a nervous response to a desire to pick my nose.

SECRET…

My life is so full of regrets and bad decisions... like that time I slept with Cheetah.

SECRETS!

Cobra Commander — Secrets!

The snake is a great metaphor...Phor gettin' bitches back to my crib!

Secrets…

My most evil world domination plan yet: Game of Thrones.

Secrets…

I'm responsible for 7 of the last 9 songs that only describe how to do a dance.

Secrets…

I've got 80% of the Republican candidates on my payroll. Ron Paul refuses to see the light, though.

Secrets…

People really don't understand the burden of leading a terrorist organization...And staying trim enough to fit into this jumpsuit.

SECRETS!!!

Captain America — Secrets!

Most people don't know this, but I had my name legally changed to Captain America.

Secrets!

Being asleep for 4 decades isn't so bad. The pornography has gotten
WAY better overnight!

Secrets!

Bucky staying dead was one of the inviolate rules of comics for
decades. So much so they originally planned on Ben Parker being
Winter Soldier.

Secrets!

Don't tell anyone, but I preferred Rob Liefeld's eagle to this dumb A.

Secrets!

I'm thinking about running for president, but I don't think the Tea
Party would really go for my policies.

SECRETS!!!

Jazz — Secrets!

I got my name from the greatest musician of all time: DJ Jazzy Jeff

Secrets!

People don't understand that I'm not wearing sunglasses, I ONLY HAVE ONE WEIRD-SHAPED EYE!

Secrets!

What's big, white, and looks like a bitch? Leader-1!

Secrets!

I wrote all the music I played in the old show. I gots that shit bumpin'!

Secrets!

Man, after that whole Unicron business, I never got seen again. They apparently wanted to go in "another creative direction."

SECRETS!!!