Free Comic Book Day Rarities

Free Comic Book Day is one of the greatest comic-reading days of the year, but it’s not just

Looking for IDW’s Hostess Artist’s Edition? Get there early!

the free comics.  Sometimes publishers take the opportunity to introduce a new character, kick off a huge event (like this year’s Age of Ultron), or experiment with something new.  It’s always these experimental books that are the hardest to find. For this week’s LIST we present Rare Free Comic Book Day Issues.

  • Archie Presents: Moose and Reggie –

    The jock and the stomach get their own title at last!  But the real draw for this book was the rediscovery of the lost 1948 character Mr. Winklefarthing.

  • Geoff Johns’ The Darkening (Fanfic press, 2004)

  • Things We Found Digging in Alan Moore’s Rubbish Bin (Avatar)

  • The Liefeld Podiatric Sketchbook (Image)

  • Spider-Man: Night of the Lepus #0

  • The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, A Gentleman # 0.5 of 50 –

    Dynamite Entertainment continues their unrelenting acquisition of public domain properties with this graphic novel translation of the most incomprehensible novel in the English language. Written and drawn by Tony Daniel with inks by Wade von Grawbadger.

  • Ben Grimm’s Man vs Food (2005)

  • Blinded by Scientology! The L. Ron Hubbard Story  (Bluewater Comics) –

    This marks the first in a series of bio-comics exploring the lives of famous figures in Scientology.

  • Cerebus, the one-volume edition –

    All 300 issues of the indie comic, in one free volume!

  • Portraits of Famous Beards (Arctic Press)

  • Bone: Year One –

    a fresh new take on a stale old classic!

  • The Cathy Sampler (IDW) –

    ahead of the release of Cathy vol. 1 (Nov. 1976 – April 1977), IDW presents The Cathy Sampler revisiting everyone’s favorite shopa-choco-holic. This 40 pg. sampler includes the controversial arc where-in Cathy ate pot laced brownies, ACK!

The LIST – Fill the bubble

Because no one demanded it, this week we’re bringing back the cover caption. Up for consideration is Excalibur #54.

 

No bag needed, I’ll wear it out of the store.

Does Marcellus Wallace LOOK like a bitch?

First one of you that says something gets Union Jacked Up.

This isn’t the only big red ball I’m wearing.

…then the seal says, you otter know, he’s my brother!

Oh no, this is my everyday clown nose.

Now where’s my Klondike Bar?

I *AM* smiling.

Buy this book or we ALL wear clown make-up.

Stan Lee has a lot to answer for.

Science FAIL

The best origins (ie: everyone Peter Parker has EVER come in contact with) come from doing science…Or more specifically, doing science badly.  For every functioning Doctor Octopus or Parasite there’s a Human Tongue or Crazy Quilt taking up oxygen that the rest of us could be using.  This week we present Lesser-Known Comic Book Science Mishaps.

If you hang out with this guy, expect a science-related mishap sooner rather than later.

  • Vincent Van Dome’s passion was to build a machine to transport him beyond the vail of life and death and back again. Little is known about what exactly happened. Suffice it to say, he succeeded in inventing a device that gave him a one way trip.
  • Gaining badger powers after a prison experiment gone awry, Rick Jackson fights against crime and for equal rights as the Gay Badger. (Note: this is different from the Golden Age Gay Badger, who had a totally different deal.)
  • Dayshift janitor Wendel Mintz accidentally ate an experimental fried pie at the Hostess Labs. He gained the proportionate strength and digestibility of a high caloric snack cake. Not to mention that he now smells like cinnamon apples.
  • An explosion at the petting zoo gave Milton Koontz the powers of every animal in his exhibit.  Now he fights never-ending boredom (and not much else) as the Heavy Petter.
  • While attempting to stop a robbery at the Purina test laboratories, rent-a-cop Jeff Perro was forced to eat an experimental “vitamin-fortified” dog chow. Never intended for human consumption, the chow altered Jeff’s brain chemistry. He now solves petty crimes with his new hunting and herding instincts as “Golden Retreiver.”
  • When nuclear fallout touches down on Max Danish after an excessively-long bath, his skin becomes permanently wrinkled. Adopting a guise as a senior citizen, he commits crime as The Prune.
  • While doing science in his home laboratory, something happened to Joe Blank when a kajigger went kablewy. The vague accident drove Blank to a life of some manner of crime as “That Guy.” He would later join a group of similarly non-specific villains called “Those People.”
  • An explosion at the library (it happens!) fuses two secret fornicators into one body!  They harness the power of Information Sciences to fight crime (and each other) as the Bibliophile!
  • Inspired by her hero, Ant-Man, Georgette Lewis set out to develop a helmet to allow her to communicate with bees. Her hope was to use them to solve and fight crimes. With limited to no expertise in electronics and micro circuitry, to date the best she has mustered is a helmet allowing her to communicate with other humans.

Metamorpho… SECRETS

I haven't hung out with ULTRA the Multi-alien since that time some chippy thought I was his dad. WTH?!?

secret…

Turns out there's a tiny amount of Solaranite in the human body. Yup... solaranite.

Secret…

I love crapping gold nuggets.

SECRET…

I used to like turning into a fart when Stagg and I were alone in an elevator. He hated that.

SECRET…

I hate that Firestorm kid. Puffy sleeves? Really kid?

SECRETS!

The… NSFW… List

As promised this weeks list is the poll winner: Superheroes that are also entries on Urban Dictionary. Turns out there are quite a few actual entries on Urban Dictionary that are comic and superhero related. As you might expect, most of them are graphically (frequently offensively) related to sex. Soooo… I’ll post links to the safe entries here, and I’ll leave you to look up the others on your own… take offense at your own risk.

 

Trust me on this one gang; this is nothing you want to know.

Squirrel Girl

Comics

X-Men

Wonder Woman

Human Torch

Wolverine

Invisible Woman

Green Lantern

Captain America*

Optimus Prime

Cobra Commander

* This was the only non-sexual, non-comic related entry on Cap. An advanced technique of table hockey, in which a player throws his or her mallet, similar to how Captain America throws his shield, at an unprotected puck lying close to the opposing player’s goal. Opinions on the legality of this technique vary: some say the mallet crossing the halfway line is an illegal move, but others contend that while the mallet is in motion, the throwing player’s hands do not cross the line.

“Dude, you just Captain America’d that ho!”

Do not look up Doc Ock.. you will hate yourself.

Rejected Costume Ideas

Some heroes (we’re looking at YOU, Batman,) need a costume for every occasion under the sun.  When you’re a ninja dressed like a bat, that’s just how you have to roll .  Then other times they’re just unnecessary, like Daredevil’s Knife Suit, or Azrael-Batman’s Knife Suit, or…well, just about anybody’s Knife Suit.  For this week’s LIST we present Failed Costume Attempts.

  • Superman’s Kryptonite Cape

  • Aquaman’s royal robes sewn together from the hides of 42 baby pandas.

  • Spider-Man’s pouches for Aunt May’s heart medicine and defibrillators

  • Optimus Prime’s pale pink Mary Kay Cosmetics alt. Mode

  • Daredevil’s Tron Suit

    — he can’t see it but everyone else in the world can

  • Wonder Woman’s victorian bathing costume

  • Aquaman’s diving bell

  • Catwoman’s 50-lb sack of Fancy Feast

  • Cyclops’s holiday bi-focals (1/2 red, 1/2 green ruby quartz)

  • Dr. Strange’s psychodellic karate gi

  • Robin’s brief switch to a banana hammock

The Man Cave of Steel: A LIST

Superman’s Fortress of Solitude as often been described as a haven where the man of steel can cut loose and be himself. Most iterations feature an exotic zoo, a laboratory, and a trophy room. In recent years the arctic sanctuary received a face lift and expansion thanks to tesseract technology. How is the Metropolis Marvel filling all of that new space?

Marvel a the world's longest junk drawer!

 

A 5,000 seat arena for illegal polar bear fights.

Two turntables and a microphone, so DJ Big S can work out his fat beats

A 1:1 scale representation of the Fortress of Solitude.

17,000 head of cattle and a replica of the Rio Grande

Fizzy Lifting Drink

Spare capes.  Curiously, no spare outer-briefs.

Only the odd-numbered Star Trek movies

A refrigerator with a jar of capers and a half jar of green olives.

A room full of instruments that Clark has started to learn to play, but never picked up after the third lesson… it’s a pretty big room.

Dick Cheney's old heart is now kept in the FoS.

A Grammartorium

Every issue of Cat Fancy since 1962