Megatron… SECRETS.

Oh yes, Frank Sinatra and I go way back. He was a dear, dear friend.


Once a week all of the Megatrons meet for breakfast at McDonalds.


Basically, we Decepticons have all the energon we’ll ever need. I’m waiting for my chance on Dancing with the Stars.


Not knowing the f-ing difference between the nominative and objective pronouns is not an attractive character affectation.


NASCAR is basically pornography for those of us from Cybertron.


A Look at Free Comic Book Day 2012

Free Comic Book Day 2012 has come and gone, and judging by the crowds of excited people I saw at every store I went to (5 over about 4 hours that morning) it was a pretty big success.  But how were the comics that were given away?  Well, I managed to come home with a pretty big stack of them, so let’s take a closer look.

  • Adventure Time/Peanuts – The classic Peanuts stories are great, the new stuff leaves me cold.  Okay, that half of the flipbook out of the way, let’s talk Adventure Time.  This is a great example of what Kaboom is doing with their AT series.  The main story follows all the style guides (and fits within the gutters of issue one), but there are also a couple short stories by indie creators where they can go off and tell whatever stories they like.  It’s a good, fun mix of a good, fun series, and an excellent representation of what you’d get in an issue of Adventure Time.

  • Archaia Presents Mouse Guard and Other Stories – Man, did Archaia raise the bar with their FCBD issue, giving out a 41-page (unless I miscounted) HARDCOVER sampler.  I can’t say every sample was good — Cursed Pirate Girl was somewhat illegible and I had to skip past it — but the Mouse Guard synopsis story (I really need to be reading that!) and Cow Boy by Nate  Cosby and Chris Eliopoulos were excellent.  Cow Boy is definitely going on my next order.  Another fun surprise: a Labyrinth story!  There’s no branding on the story itself but once I recognized Hoggle (okay, it’s not that hard), the other characters came flooding back to me. THIS is what FCBD should be about!
  • Atomic Robo/Neozoic/Bonnie Lass – Even though Archaia put out this Free Comic Book Day’s strongest issue, the Atomic Robo team of Brian Clevenger and Scott Wegener yet again put out an amazing offering this year.  Usually reserving FCBD for a Robo/Dr. Dinosaur fight, this year they teamed up!  Well, in a way.  As always it was hilarious, and as always you should be reading it year-round.  The other samples in here didn’t offer content nearly as strong.  Neozoic hopped from scene to scene (and even from person to person in the same  conversation) so much it felt like panels were missing.  Transitions definitely were. Bonnie Lass was fine, but nothing remarkable.
  • Avengers: Age of Ultron #0.1 – This is a good FCBD choice from Marvel.  High-profile (or rather more importantly, highly talented) creators, recognizable characters appearing in a movie opening the same weekend, and the first part of what will obviously be a huge storyline.  It’s well-written and well-drawn, but after going through it 3 times, I just can’t decide on it.  Is it for the new reader or us established folks?  It definitely feels like part 1 of 13.  The return of Ultron is great, but it feels unusually built up. I just have no idea about this one.  Strategically it’s a good call, but it mostly left me cold.  Maybe that’s just a reflection on my relationship with mainstream superhero comics than anything else.
  • The Censored Howard Cruise – Outside of the obvious creators Crumb, Pekar, and Sheldon I’m not terribly knowledgeable about the original Underground Comix creators, so this joint effort by Boom! (really!) and the CBLDF was a nice addition to the day.  And it really is censored for the FCBD edition, though the upcoming releases will not be.  I was trying to come up with a good way to describe Cruise’s work until Charles Brownstein put it much better than I could have in the backmatter: “Cruse’s technically accomplished line style has a wholesome quality that provides a stark contrast to his candid discussions of sexuality, drug use, and censorship.”  A great offering for the student of both comics and comix.  It’s also worth noting that Boom! has a new Roger Langridge collection coming out called “The Show Must Go On” that we’ll both need to keep our eyes peeled for.
  • Dinosaurs vs Aliens – Since we’re discussing how comics work, DvA fails completely, offering only 8 pages of actual comic book and filling up the rest with sketches, concept art, and text pieces.  It’s an interesting book, but not really enough sequential art to qualify as a comic.  Skepticism ruins the rest of the goodwill I have for this title.  Movie director comes up with painfully obvious mash-up (since those are all the rage), hires the best comic writer in the business to write a screenplay, then does a comic to provide street cred (see also: Cowboys vs Aliens).  Oh well, at least the art will be beautiful.
  • Image 20 – Image takes their shot this year with a sampler of their upcoming titles.  Going with a book full of teasers is probably a good call (although I’m obviously biased towards a full comic) but nothing I read inspired me to pick any of them up.
  • The New 52 – Despite my DC boycott I still picked this up, figuring it at least wasn’t putting any money in the Time-Warner coffers.  Another teaser book, this kicks off the backstory behind Pandora, the mystery woman who appeared in each of DC’s 52 #1 issues.  No disrespect intended to the creators involved, but a passing familiarity with Greek mythology and a play-through of God of War is probably all the Pandora stories we need.
  • Spider-Man: Season One – This whole “accessible universe” thing is getting out of hand.  A decade ago Marvel kicked off the Ultimate line with the intent of luring in new readers.  Then DC launched their Earth One line of OGN’s for bookstores and rebooted their whole damn universe.  Unwilling to be beaten at their own game, Marvel then launches THEIR line of bookstore OGN’s, doing the exact same thing every other relaunch has done since John Byrne did Spider-Man: Chapter One.  If you love modernized Spider-Man reboots this will be right up your alley, but otherwise this is pretty inessential.
  • Stuff of Legend/Finding Gossamyr – I’m always charmed by the soul and charming artwork of the Stuff of Legend books, though I don’t see it on the stands often enough to keep up with it.  (Fortunately, there’s an ad in the back for a collection of the first two volumes, which I will definitely pick up).  Finding Gossamyr was a little confusing…It looks like a young boy solves a math problem that leads to a portal to another dimension, but tI had a little trouble reading the transition between the two worlds.  The artwork was a nice cartoony style, and the story was intriguing more than mysterious for it’s own sake.  If you enjoy Narnia-type alternate world stories, this is a title to keep an eye out for.
  • Transformers: Regeneration One #80.5 – My love of comics started with the original Marvel Transformers series.  I was given a three-pack innocently enough, but suddenly it’s 30 years and thousands of issues later.  There will always be a soft, biased spot in my heart for those Robots in Disguise. Sure, their adventures were mainly used to reinforce toy lines, but by the end of the original 80-issue run we got to some truly original stories as we reached the final battle with Unicron written by Simon Furman and (mostly) drawn by Andrew Wildman.

Yes the Cybertronians were victorious, but in the aftermath were some of the grayest, bleakest stories I had ever read as the Transformers struggled to find purpose again.  Furman got to tell stories that didn’t require introducing new toys and could focus on the characters.  Wildman, who if I recall was a pretty divisive art choice at the time, was my favorite TF artist ever, able to draw alt modes and robot forms equally well and distinctly.  What really set him apart were the distinctive (and dare I say, human) faces with spittle frequently flying and battle damage showing they may be robots, but they’ve clearly been to Hell.

Together they got away with telling some truly weird stories.  Galvatron travels to kill his past-self before realizing he would cease to exist.  Megatron and Ratchet fuse into a Two-Face robot.  And then five issues after defeating the ultimate evil they were gone.

Their run based my entire opinion of what Transformers COULD be.  Even though it’s been a while since I’ve gone back to see how they hold up, make no mistake: I know full well that most of the comic series was pretty bad, not to mention some truly awful cartoon episodes.  But those issues…well they showed a lot of growth and potential for more.

Wildman and Furman have teamed up many times since that series end, even on Transformers, with Armada.  Those darker issues seem to have inspired other approaches to the characters as well, but none of them have worked for me.  The names and characterization are roughly the same, but the Armada or Energon Optimus Primes just aren’t the
same to me like the G1 Prime is, just like Alan Scott is not Hal Jordan is not Kyle Rayner.

Now here we are, 21 years after that series ended, and Furman and Wildman are back, picking up where they left off. Or rather, 21 years after they left off.  They do so fairly seamlessly.  Furman’s story could have been more linear rather than bouncing around, but we’re definitely going to get back to the original (and if I may be so bold, my) characters.  And Wildman’s art returned to exactly where I remember, without all the overly-angular jagged faces obviously inspired by the movies.  This is a very good comic, and I’m really excited to see where they take us.

(Now after having written all this, I feel like I’ve done Geoff Johns a disservice by my griping about him turning DC into what he loved most as a kid.)

  • 2000 AD – The surprise find of FCBD 2012!  I’ve never seen a 2000 AD FCBD issue before; I didn’t even know they participated.  The first pleasant surprise was the large magazine size, so it stands out from all the other offerings.  Then it gives several complete chunks of comics.  Sure, some of the stories were a part one but it’s an accurate representation of what to expect from 2000 AD.  Then the contents showcased a little bit of everything: classic sci-fi, some horror, a vintage Alan Moore story, and a superhero satire.  I’ve never read an individual issue of 2000 AD before, but after this I think I might need to add it to my pull list.
  • Valiant 2012 – Even though this was just a teaser book, it worked. I’m sufficiently piqued for the Valiant relaunch this summer.  Unfortunately, it’s still a bad free comic.  Marvel and DC put out things like this monthly; it’s a promotional item.*

* Yes, they’re all promotional items, but the point of Free Comic Book Day is, you know, a free comic book.

  • Yo Gabba Gabba – I really don’t know what to say about this one, since I am neither a small child nor a guardian of small children.  It definitely won’t appeal to anyone whose age is approaching double-digits, and there’s no hipster cred other than some nice work by Mike Allred and Evan Dorkin.  But might it get small children into appreciating comics?  Yes.  Yes it might. And that’s one to grow on.

And that was my 2012 Free Comic Book Day.  I think it was a raging success, even if not every book was.  I hope you found some great comics out there and have maybe been inspired to track down a few new things.  And only 11 months until next year’s!

A Challenge For Michael Bay Apologists

While looking up Transformers on the Internet earlier to day, Toys R Us happened to conveniently prove (one of) my point about the movie Transformers being hideous and dumb monsters.  I kindly draw your attention to two pictures below.  One is of a robot that is obviously both humanoid and airplane, so well constructed that both are obvious and yet neither mode imposes itself upon the other.  The other image is of some sort of triangle with spindly legs attached somehow, a disaster of modern engineering.

Seriously, why would we prefer the Bay designs over the classics?

If you’re able to explain the appeal of these designs, hit us up in the comments section and share.

Optimus Prime…SECRETS!

There aren’t many ‘Bots braver, stronger, or better than Wheelie.


My first job was programming binary loadlifters—very similar to your vaporators in most respects.


Most people believe that compassion for other sentient beings is my only real weakness. Not true!


I've never been comfortable in my body.


I cried at the end of A.I. Artificial Intelligence.


Sunnytime Review Show – All Hail Megatron Edition

Matt’s been reviewing All Hail Megatron for a while now and giving it relatively mixed reviews.  It’s still been positive enough that when I received some review copies (ie: I saw the trades in the library and checked them out), I was pretty anxious to give them a try.  The result is a mixed bag like Matt said, but there’s a lot to like, especially for someone like me who loves Transformers but hasn’t really been keeping up with the comic series as much as I’d like.

Volumes 1 and 2 are the meat of the story but there’s a pretty steep learning curve.  There’s obviously a significant amount of backstory, but I’m not up to speed on what it is.  We open with the Decepticons destroying New York City with some pretty vile acts of terrorism.  Meanwhile the Autobots are broken, defeated, divided, and stranded on Cybertron.  Humans are putting up a resistance, but it’s not much of one.  As always, Starscream schemes to take over leadership of the Decepticons but Megatron is keeping watch on him as part of some master plan that isn’t yet revealed to us.

The robots in disguise aspect is played up to strong effect in this arc, as the Decepticons really use their alternate modes to strike terror into the human population, coming from nowhere to strike their targets.  This gets back to the core concept which is all-too-often ignored.

Coming in cold like I am, I do wonder what the backstory is.  For the entirety of this volume the Decepticons do evil for it’s own sake, but there’s no real motivation for it yet.  The Autobots, understandably, are anxious to be off their abandoned planet, but we don’t know what happened to it.  I’m okay with coming in during the middle of a story, but it is pretty off-putting to pick up volume 1 of a story and still come in halfway through.  The art is hit or miss: namely it hits when the primary artist is  drawing Transformers, and misses when his backup’s over-simplified art is used for the human scenes.Where this book really shines is its characterization, especially with the Decepticons.  Their ranks and groups really appear to have meaning, particularly with the gestalt groups, but also with the Seekers.  Starscream, Thunkercracker, and Skywarp all have unique abilities, motiviations, and voices rather than being interchangeable cannon fodder.  Frenzy, the crazed tape, is given an especially interesting and well-thought out relationship with Soundwave.

Volume 2 is a fairly straightforward continuation of the story from v1, as the Autobots escape from Cybertron and start defending Earth from the Decepticons.  We find out who the Autobot traitor was (and why) and learn that Optimus and Megatron once had similar motivations.  The Autobots inevitably win and defeat Megatron (or more accurately, convince him that he won’t win), but he gets in a strong monologue with Starscream explaining that Starscream will inevitably take leadership from him (as that is how leadership is always transferred), but it won’t be that day.

Earth lives, which is a nice bonus.

Volume 3 is 5 standalone issues, each spotlighting one Autobot. Most of them are fairly forgettable, but noteworthy for catching us up on some of the backstory that I apparently missed.

  • Blurr – The story kicking off the collection is the best of the bunch. Transformers are picking sides, and the different factions are each recruiting Blurr, the fastest racer on the planet.  It was interesting, but a big mistake to take this character, whose main characteristic was to do everything (including talk) fast, and then reduce it to one boring trait (he’s a racer).  Still, this is good not so much for the story of the character as much as for the story of Cybertron before the war started.
  • Jazz – This was a pretty dynamic story bogged down by muddy coloring that made it too difficult to tell what was going on, it was a good beefing-up of Jazz’s character as a real leader with a tale of a mysterious Autobot helping get a blinded comrade out of a warzone, and providing inspiration as the story circulates.
  • Cliffjumper – An utterly forgettable story of Cliffjumper on an alien planet that feels like it hit each 80’s cartoon plot point exactly according to the formula.  It’s pure filler and contributes nothing to the mythos.
  • Drift – Another story that was mainly notable for it’s look at the war and opposing factions, we learn why the Autobots have beef with Drift, and how he switches sides from the Decepticons.  I still have issues with the dark coloring in this one, but it was a good look at a character I’d never seen before this series.
  • Metroplex – The art in this issue is stellar, but it’s essentially a copy of “Mogo Doesn’t Socialize” from Green Lantern #188.  Kudos for the choice of source material, but I’d prefer to have read an original story.
Volume 4 is broken down even more, with two 8-page stories per book.  At this point it’s been a while since I’ve read it, but what I remember most is that Don Figueroa’s art looked to the movie for its cues on how the characters should look, which resulted in every Transformer looking like a skeleton, a la Bludgeon.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Trevor Hutchison’s covers, all designed to look like propaganda posters.  They’re entirely unlike anything you would expect to see on the front of a Transformers comic, but they work really, really well.  They’re dynamically designed and stand out on the rack.  Top marks to IDW for taking a chance with them.

After all that…Are they worth it?  I definitely dug the main story.  It was nice to see “robots in disguise” mean something, rather than just have alternate forms solely for transportation.  The spotlight issues were mostly filler, though, and not worth picking up.  I’m definitely looking forward to finding more review copies, as long as I can focus on the main story.

THE LIST: Transformers Edition

What we have this week for you cats and kittens is a list of Autobot and Decepticon names/ concepts that never made it past the Hasbro offices. Of  course a few gems slipped by and we ended up with names like Hun-grrr.

Today’s post is brought to you under the auspices of the embodiment of this idea: Wheelie.


Optimus Plow

Meowtron – Maximal kitten

Tangerine, Nectarine, Clementine, Mandarin, and Kumquat combine to
form the gestalt Citrussor

Blowhole – a naval vessle

Brik –  transforms from a phony computer terminal to an empty energon cube. An Autobot spy.

Secondhand – a cantankerous old warrior


Mecharobotimus – transforms from a robot to… another sort of different robot.


Hosor – the Canadian Transformer


Jump in and give us some of your gems. It’s pretty easy: think of a verb and add -or, -ator, -bot, or -con to the end.

The All-New, All-Different New Guardians

In Blackest Night, Geoff Johns pulled a giant deus ex machina out of his hat when he revealed that each “New Guardian’s” ring can create one additional ring. I’m sure Johns picked DCU characters he thought would be cool and fit the story, but what if he wasn’t limited to the DCU?  What if any cartoon or comic book character was available to him?  I imagine if that was the case we’d see a much, much different alliance.  One that would look something like this.

Red Lantern Corps (Rage)

Hulk – The Hulk is all about rage: the madder he gets, the stronger he gets.  There’s even a red one out there running around these days, busting things up and acting like a jerk.  Just picture him constantly vomiting up blood and you’re already there.

Runner Up: Yosemite Sam

Agent Orange (Avarice)

Ash Ketchum – Ash is the greedy little kid determined to capture one of every animal (excuse me, pokemon) in the world, to the detrimtent of every relationship he’s ever been in.  That describes avarice much better than a mad scientist who wants to rule the world because Superman made him lose his hair when he was a boy.

Runner Up: Bender

Sinestro Corps (Fear)

Gargamel – The Scarecrow is a terrific if obvious choice for the yellow ring.  Much like Parallax is the only thing to scare Green Lanterns, there’s only one thing Smurfs fear, and that’s Gargamel.  He takes delight in capturing them, either to eat them or turn them into gold.  That’s fairly scary if you’re Belgian.

Runner Up: Starscream

Green Lantern Corps (Will)

Hank Hill – Have you ever met one of those people who seem like they can do anything by sheer force of will?  Hank Hill is that guy.  Slap a ring on him and as long as you assure him it’s a military weapon and not hippie jewelry or an improv prop he’ll get the job done.

Runner Up: Panthro

Blue Lantern Corps (Hope)

Superman – Of all the characters Johns had to play with, I can’t believe he didn’t go for the obvious choice to represent Hope: Superman.  If Barack Obama had a cape, superpowers, had saved the world hundreds of times )and the universe dozens), then MAYBE he could sit in on a lecture Superman gave on how to give people hope. Superman could be caught with a live boy AND a dead girl and people wouldn’t lose hope. He’s like Michael Jackson and R. Kelly wrapped up in a cape and with heat vision, that’s how much people believe in him.

Runner Up: Charlie Brown

Indigo Tribe (Compassion)

Optimus Prime – Optimus Prime’s only weakness is his compassion for all living creatures.  Being part of the Indigo Tribe would allow him to turn that into his greatest strength.  Of course, a giant metal robot covered with tribal tattoos and holding a tiny stick wouldn’t be very imposing, but it would be compassionate.

Runner Up: She-Ra

Star Sapphires (Love)

Tenderheart Bear – Wikipedia says “Tenderheart Bear helps everyone show and express their feelings and helps his fellow Care Bears be the most caring they can be. In the 1980s movies and cartoons he was the leader of the Care Bears. He is orange (originally brown) and his tummy symbol is a big red heart with a pink outline.”  That sounds about right.  What do I know about Care Bears?

Runner Up: Hello Kitty

Those are my thoughts.  Did I get someone right?  Or very, very wrong?  Hit us up in the comments sections.