Kraven the Hunter — Secrets!!!

That son of a bitch Predaking stole my look!

Secrets!

Next week I begin my hunt for a good bagel.

Secrets!

Kraven was referring to himself in the third person long before Doom!

Secrets!

Can you see my zebra panty line underneath these leopard pants?

Secrets!

Take my word for it. If you want to make out with a young lady, take her to see "Dracula".

SECRETS!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not Just For Kids Anymore

Peter Parker and Clark Kent are both published authors, but not many folks are in their super-identities.  And sure, Doc Ock and Curt Connors must have published or perished, but who needs that boring science-talk?  We here at the L.E.M.U.R. Comics Blog have scoured comicdom and bring you this week’s LIST: Superhero Children’s Books.

  • Mr. Cobblepot’s Penguins by Richard and Florence Atwater

  • The Beast, The Scarlet Witch, and Professor X’s Wig Closet, by CS Lewis

  • Curious Grodd by H.A. and Margret Rey

  • Leapfrog and Toad are Friends, by Mortimer Toynbee

  • Ivy Town by Richard Scarry

  • The Velveteen Wolverine, by James Howlett

  • The Very Hungry Galactus by Eric Carle and Norrin Radd

  • Encyclopedia Wayne and the Laughing Man, by Donald J. Sobol

  • Jarvis Bedarvis – Peggy Parish

  • Are You There, Gods, It’s Me, Diana, by Wonder Woman

  • Arthur Curry visits the Aquarium by Mark Brown

  • Make Way for Mutants by Robert McCloskey

  • A Dayspring in Time, by Madeleine L’Engle with Cable

  • Bruce and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, by The Batman

Get Down and Get Funky

Everybody and their mother knows about (and has most likely done) the Batusi.  “Doin’ the Metamorpho” was it’s own craze in the Swingin’ Sixties.  But more superheroes than that had their own dances.  For this week’s LIST we submit a sample of the most overlooked or lost superhero dances.

In larger cities, in the 1940’s, a popular dance craze was the Miraclo Shuffle. While there was no set of steps for the dance, there were rules. Simply, a mob of dancers and a group of musicians would get hopped up on cocaine or some other upper. They would then proceed to dance non-stop for an hour. No breaks, no switching songs, just drug fueled dancing…and occasional accidental trampling.

When doing The M11, a version of the Robot for competition, dancers shoot death rays at other competitors.

The Joker is a dance that has come and gone in several eras of music. Dancers alternately mimic hitting their partners over the head with giant pantomime mallets and squirting each other with pantomimed acid flowers. More advanced dancers will actually bring mallets and squirting acid flowers to the dance club.

The Flash, a staple of the late-80’s and early 90’s, was essentially the Running Man, except it requires tapping into the Speed Force and approaching the speed of light.
Hotsteppers doing The Shazam are really doing a modified two-step in which one of the dance partners hits the other with a taser, thereby simulating a bolt of lightning that will transform them into The World’s Mightiest Mortal.

The Bat-Bomb has dancers rhythmically moving to the music while pretending to run with a giant bomb hoisted over their heads.

The Sandman (now called The Golden Age Sandman), was especially popular at after-hours parties because participants pulled out pillows and napped on the dance floor for 6 minutes.

Many of these dances included special costumes, but only The Mxyzptlk required covering your entire head with an animal mask so you could party like a lycanthrope.  Some revelers opted to go with the enlarged cranium, but that tended to be a Central City variation.

A popular punk rock dance from the 1980’s was the Shadowcat. Participants would vigorously throw themselves at the walls and other hard surfaces in attempts to pass through them.

The Super-Samba was the only dance where a key step is twirling your partner so fast they spin the Earth backwards and turn back time.

Where was the best place to see the best super-heroic dance steps in the 60’s?  Why, on Ben Grimm’s local New York City dance show “It’s Polka’in’ Time!” A combination of American Bandstand and The Lawrence Welk Show, this was the first television show to showcase the dances themselves and not the songs accompanying them.  Only Mr. Grimm and his frequent co-host Aunt Petunia could make a show with polka in the title cool for the kids.

Of the many dances to appear on “It’s Polka’in’ Time!,” none received more fan-mail that the Paste-Pot Pete Polka. This dance involved covering both partners in mucilage, polka dancing around the floor and attempting to pick up as many other couples, tables, chairs, band members, and others items. The couple at the center of the largest ball of stuff won a silver-loving cup.

If the Paste-Pot Pete Polka was the most popular polka on Ben Grimm’s show, the least popular came about when the show and its host were hijacked by Dr. Victor Von Doom. Set to a cacophonous song, “Richards
is a fool,”
those forced to participate were expected to alternately laugh maniacally over each other and raise their arms in the air in frustration… mimicking Doom’s triumph and the inevitable defeat of Reed Richards.

The LIST

Dr. Doom, Dr. Light, Dr. Sivana. What do these doctors put in their waiting rooms? What do villains of all sorts read to keep up with the latest news and trends in super villainy? Wonder no more gentle reader. We’ve got the answer in this week’s list.

Super Villain Trade Periodicals

Taking Over the USA Today!

Modern Henchman

Better Lairs and Dungeons

Popular Mad Science

Southern Dying

Gentlevillains Quarterly

Organic Laboratory

LIFE (for the incarcerated villain)

Sneak

Living on the Lam on the Cheap

Heist

Bad Housekeeping

Sportsmaster Illustrated

Villainess’s Home Journal

SuperCrime DiY

AAVP Bulletin (American Association of Villainous People)

Pillage Voice

Worst. Super-Vehicle. Ever.

How a man rolls is how a man lives!  Batman in his Batmobile.  The X-Men in their SR-71 Blackbird.  And Green Arrow’s…Arrowplane? Obviously some rides are better than others.  This week’s LIST: The
Worst Vehicles Ever.

  • Batman’s rickshaw

  • Superman’s 1994 Geo Metro

  • The Ice cream truck of Doom. Screams, “RICHARDS!!!” to the tune of “Turkey in the Straw.”

  • Wonder Woman’s Invisible Unicycle

  • Barry Allen’s Segway

  • Batman’s solar powered batmobile

  • The Punisher’s wicked mini-bike

  • Catwoman’s catsled

  • Wolverine’s Sniktmobile

  • Captain Marvel’s electric car, SHAZAM!

  • Stilt Man’s AT-AT

  • The Shade’s hot air balloon (previously owned by Phileas Fogg)

  • Aquaman’s diving bell, “The Mera-Maid”

  • Wonder Woman’s visible jet

Have a happy Memorial Day, everyone.  I’m going to be taking a long weekend off to help with the cleanup efforts in Oklahoma, what with Asgard and all.  Now that he has the power of summer vacation, I leave you in Matt’s capable hands.

Your Fuzzy Little Super-List!

Sure, Super-dog is a Super-man’s best friend, but not everyone gets a Krypto (or even a Beppo the Super-Monkey).  And everyone needs a sidekick, even if just a furry one.  Superpets are a Super-Person’s best friend.  Here are some of the ones you don’t often hear about.

  • Supergirl’s pet vole, Diggy the Super-Vole

  • Power Girl’s twin pets, El Efty and Mr. Wright

  • Wonder Woman’s Manx Cat, Suffering Sappho

  • Wolverine’s kitten Felicity

  • Barry Allen’s pet turtle, who was also involved in the freak accident that transformed him into The Flash

  • Badrock’s pet rock, Dolomite

  • Dr. Octopus’s pet squid, Octy

  • Scott Summer’s clownfish, Jeffie

  • Spawn’s schnoodle, Vickie

  • Herbie Popnecker’s pot-bellied elephant and monkey with 4 asses

  • Jeph Loeb’s pet Rob called Rob Liefeld

  • Dr. Doom’s dwarf rabbit, RICHARDS!!!

  • Iron-Man’s pet bottle of Winston Supreme Canadian Whiskey, called Eric


Super Personals: The Hookup

Ahhhhh… love is in the air. It’s Valentine’s Day and we’d be remiss in neglecting how the Cape and Mask set celebrate the holiday.

Naturally, the Kents have romantic plans, as do the Allens, Richardses, and the countless other couples in comics.
How about the singles?

Ah…they put out ads in trade papers. Looking for love isn’t any easier when you commit or fight crime and or have phenomenal powers. Below you’ll find some personal ads from folks you might recognize.

SGM looking for SF: You’ll think I’m a mind reader because I’ll be the man (or woman) you need me to be. Don’t really like evenings by the fire place: my love will keep you warm. We can eat cookies in my bed. Isn’t it time to go green?

SWF looking for SM: Squirrly girl looking for the right nut ; ) Must be an animal lover, but not afraid to go out with a girl in  a fur coat. Preferably someone in the Great Lakes area.

DOOM demands SF: Must hate RICHARDS! . . . should also be okay with scars, robot duplicates, and tats. No fat chicks.

SPM seeking SPF: Don’t let my super intelligence freak you out baby. I can get down and dirty flinging my feces with the best of them. Should be open to world domination and human subjugation.

SMODOK seeks SMODAM: Let me be your Mental Organism Designed Only for LOVE. After dinner and a movie, we can add a whole new meaning to “bumping uglies.” Too forward? Face it, I’m a head in a chair. Any move is too forward.