Lizard Secrets!

People always want to know how I go to the bathroom with this tail. Why isn’t anyone asking about the convenience of having a cloaca?

secret…

Some people have two left feet. I have two left arms. Should have been more careful with the genetics.

Secret…

I don’t trust myself with women. I give myself too quickly and too freely. It always ends badly.

Secret…

When someone in the Sinister Six does or says something stupid and awkward, we call it, “pulling an Otto.”

SECRET…

The worst part of losing my arm and becoming a lizard-man is that I can no longer perform slight-of-hand tricks.

SECRETS!

Devil Dinosaur… SECRETS

Do you have any idea how hard it is to be an effective predator when you're FIRE-F$@%ING-TRUCK RED?

SECRETS…*

When your reproductive, urinary, and digestive tracts all exit through one hole, puberty is a mess.

SECRETS…

PBS wanted me to play Barney, but the Sesame Street gang threw a fit because I'm red like Elmo. They were afraid it would cause marketing confusion.

SECRETS…

"Devil" is an old family name. It's the dinosaur equivalent of Eugene. I'm not satanic or anything.

SECRETS…

Shaving my legs is next to impossible with these little arms.

SECRETS!!!

*On a personal note, there is nothing about this image that doesn’t make me sad that there isn’t more of this sort of thing in the world. There is a depressing lack of sharp dressed, champagne swilling, revolver totting dinosaurs in my life.