The List: Superman’s Least-Utilized Powers

The Man of Steel.  The Man of Tomorrow.  Superman.

Strange visitor from another planet who came to earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men!  Sure, we all know about strength, flight, and heat vision, but surely that’s not where his powers stop.  Even Jerry Seinfeld wonders about that: “Why would that one area of his mind not be affected by the yellow sun of Earth?”

So, presented here for your enjoyment is this week’s List: Superman’s Least-Utilized Powers.

  • Super-Absorbancy

  • Super-Penmanship

  • Super-ability to figure out the tip

  • Super-Nudity (so nude he appears clothed)

  • Super-Able To Restrain Himself Around Cheesecake

  • Super-Gift Wrapping

  • Super-Thank You Card Writing

  • Super-Snuggler

  • Super-Birdcalls

  • Super-Parallel parking

  • Super-Accountancy

  • Super-Sphincter Control (Superman doesn’t poop until Superman is good and ready to poop!)


** Editor’s Note: Super-Inoffensive Gas was a finalist, but after investigation our research department learned that his is actually one of his MOST utilized powers and was thus disqualified.