DAMN, Emma Frost!

I’m glad the days of Fredrick Wertham are behind us, where paranoids found dirty drawings in every nook and cranny.  And I really have no problem with the realism in comic art today, where artists take it to draw every zipper and seam in a costume (or uniform, if you’d prefer).

But I was reading Uncanny X-Men #534.1 and came across this panel…

…and I can’t help but think that’s no seam.  I have no idea how this made it into a Marvel comic.

Longshot — Secrets!

The worst thing about only having 4 fingers is that it's harder to do card tricks. Fucking Gambit...

Secrets!

I was the highest rated reality show on Mojoworld for 16 seasons. Until a scandal ruined my goodwill with the audience.

Secrets!

If I have any regrets, it's hooking up with Dazzler that one time. Bitch be trippin'! (That's the right way to say that, right?)

Secrets!

The star on my jacket represents a fiery inferno, like after Storm would make chili.

Secrets!

I'm 1/4 pheasant on my father's side. That makes what we used to do at night on the farm illegal in 47 states.

SECRETS!!!

Game Tape

This week wasn’t the biggest week, but it was a good one. So get out your pad and get ready to take notes as we review…

We’ll begin with an ending. Lone Ranger ends this week with issue #25. The Cavendish Gang arc wrapped up finally, and it’s left wide open for future arcs. It’s a strong ending with no annoying loose ends. I have a sneaking suspicion that the movie in the works will rely heavily on this for story beats. As origins go, it’s a nice blend of character background and action. If you’re a fan of westerns, this one’s worth looking at in trades.


I was originally excited to see the X-Men going to Japan to fight the Mentallo-controlled denizens of Monster Island. I almost still am; it’s just that there was an awful lot of talking in Astonishing X-Men #37. The actual monster fighting was happening more in the background while people and mutants talked about fighting the monsters. The talking wouldn’t have been so bad if it hadn’t been a. confusingly clipped b. written off the beat of the art. The ethical debate at the end between Cyclops and Wolverine and the wake service that Armor attends highlight this problem. I’m feeling close to done with the X-Men in general and this title in specific.

X-Men #11 had a glaring chronological issue that I couldn’t stop thinking about. The story was tepid as it served as a coda to Jubilee’s experiences with the vampires. Pretty forgettable all around. We’ll see how the next arc goes before severing ties with the X franchise.

Batman Incorporated #7 is a good jumping on issue. Sure it refers to the last couple of issues continuing the long term thread of the Ooroboros threat. On the other hand, the threat has expanded in view starting with this issue as Bruce marshals his forces for this, as yet unseen, threat. We get a better look at several of the new players in the Batman Army including a new Ranger and a Batman of Africa. I’m wondering when Morrison will return to the Kathy Kane mystery… or is that being handled in the Batwoman book? At any rate, this book was worth looking at. The end was a hoot even though it was pretty well telegraphed.

In the broken record department, Hickman has not yet lost his touch. FF #3 is funny with it’s Symposium of Doom. But, it’s fantastically written in the aspects of tying the Parliament of Reeds with the events of the four new kingdoms. Right now, this is my absolute favorite book because of the way Hickman is structuring his stories and the foresight with which he’s planning things.


The LIST – Course Catalog for Xavier’s

Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters is the premier place for a young mutant to learn how to used his or her gifts. The courses are designed specifically to cater to the special needs of it’s student population.

Grooming 101 – It’s a special time in a youngster’s life when he or she discovers hair/ feathers/ scales/ bony protuberances growing in new places. This course is designed to teach young mutants how to properly manage this new growth. Topics include: Flea Bath or Sheep dip? Which is best for me?, Molting and Shedding, Man-scaping, and Do I Still need Clothes? Instructor: TBA

Resurrection 740 – An upper level seminar for 6th year students. This course is designed to address special concerns about coming back from the dead. Because of the sensitive and controversial subject matter, parental permission is required. Controlling Zombie Rage, Dealing with Doppelgangers, and Suspended Animation, Somewhat Dead, Mostly Dead and All Dead Where do I stand Legally? are among the seminars presented by Ms. Grey and Mr. Rasputin

Elemental Powers and You 380 – The third in a series of courses intended to assist students with power over fire, water (ice), weather, and earth. By the end of this course, students should be able to demonstrate basics of natural disasters and natural disaster abatement.

Healing 215 – I have a healing factor…Now where do I go???  Learn
what you can and can’t bounce back from, what will kill you, and what
will just piss you off.  Prof. Logan’s course will include guest
lectures by any mutant that’s shown up in the past 20 years.

Advanced Energy Projection 550 – Regardless of how energy leaves your
body, this class will teach you how to manage it.  If hands are your
thing, you’ll learn closed-fist vs finger-pointing methods.  If you
have an embarrassing orifice issue, you’ll learn how to re-route to a
more “acceptable” location.  Learn when a fraction of an inch is too
much or just enough!  Visors and containment suits are strongly
recommended but not required.


Blackbird Maintenance 410 – Learn the ins and outs of keeping your
plane in the air.  Topics include “rebuilding after explosions,”
“psychic shields and heat tiles,” “Stowaways?  Put ’em on the team!,”
and “preventative tire maintenance”.  Required for 4th-year students.
Pre-requisite for pilot courses.  Additional Quinjet credits can be
earned.

Monitor Duty 100 – This course is a requisite for all students entering the school. It will offer methods and tips on how best to use sophisticated computers and media-feeds to monitor global situations. In addition, students will become familiar with mutant and superhuman issues across the globe. This can count as a careers course for those with non-combative (read: useless) powers. Professor Ramsey can also offer counseling for students on off-planet careers as an extra-curricular activity.

Welcome to the X-Men 101 – Incoming students are required to take this
course as an orientation to life at Xavier’s. Procedures and protocol
are covered to aid the new student in a smooth transition into the
school. New students must also enroll in the weekly 2 hour lab: Hope
You Survive the Experience 102.

Team-Ups 510 – You meet, you fight, then…you team up!  Learn what to
do, what not to do, and how to keep your feelings from being hurt when
friend thinks you’re a foe.  Required for Crossovers 520.

Crossovers 520 – You’ve mastered the team-up?  Now what?  Join Prof.
McCoy as he takes you through the ins and outs of crossovers.  Whether
it’s with another team or another you, you’ll learn how to take care
of business and still make it home for 4th period.  Pre-Requisite:
Team-Ups 510.  Inter-Universe/Dimension thesis option available for
additional credit.

Quips 110 – Learn how to use humor to mask feelings of anxiety and
insecurity.  1/2 credit only

Spandexploitation IV: The Voyage Home

Does this modest manse in upstate New York belong to a coven of Satan's concubines? Neighbors report strange noises, "animal smells and flying women."

Beast

Are your sheep safe? Maybe not if this bouncing Beau Brummel lives near you.

Gambit

Have you seen this man? Casinos cross country complain: cajun card-sharp cheats!

Artie and Leech with Attorney at law: Caliban.

Which power couple was refused marriage by mutant hate-mongering justice of the peace?

Professor X, walking tall.

Was this wheelchair bound "Professor" really caught doing the Stanky Leg at a local night club?