Lizard Secrets!

People always want to know how I go to the bathroom with this tail. Why isn’t anyone asking about the convenience of having a cloaca?

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Some people have two left feet. I have two left arms. Should have been more careful with the genetics.

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I don’t trust myself with women. I give myself too quickly and too freely. It always ends badly.

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When someone in the Sinister Six does or says something stupid and awkward, we call it, “pulling an Otto.”

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The worst part of losing my arm and becoming a lizard-man is that I can no longer perform slight-of-hand tricks.

SECRETS!

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Vulture… SECRETS!

I'm related to several signers of the Declaration of Independence.

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I my day when you robbed a bank or a jewelery store, you said "please" and "thank you" to the tellers.

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"Tapioca pudding" is nursing home slang for an octogenarian hook-up.

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I don't get the attraction of May Parker. Otto tried to explain it once...

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These days I'm only robbing banks to keep up my pledge to PBS.

SECRETS!!!

 

Uncle Ben…SECRETS!

May and I were never married by any recognized authority.

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May Parker gets the Power Cosmic and it doesn't even occur to her to bring me back from the dead?! That's BS

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I once arm wrestled Albert Einstein in a bar. Woulda won if Robert Oppenheimer hadn't cheated.

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I never really went in for all that religiousy stuff.

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That crap about great power... I actually stole that from a Queens Savings and Loan commercial.

SECRETS!

Aunt May — Secrets!!!

I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue. And 85 years of circus performing has left me QUITE limber.

Secrets!

Other super-villains I almost married: Norman Osborn, J. Jonah Jameson, Mac Gargan, Eddie Brock, and The Kangaroo.

Secrets!

I made one ill-fated attempt at villainy in the 1970's, but getting defeated by Hostess fruit pies got my head straight.

Secrets!

Yes, my becoming the heard of Galactus is canon. Golden Oldie will ride again!

Secrets!

After Peter moved out I found some of his old textbooks, and they had CENTERFOLDS of the periodic table in them! Shocking!

Secrets!!!